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Band 6

Some people think that parents who teach children how to good members of society others however believe that school is the place to learn this. discuss both views and give your own pinion

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place #pinion
In the present age, whether
parents
 educate children better than schools has sparked much debate. Some people assert that educational institutions have better educational achievements,
whereas
 many others argue that
parents
 offer students better social skills for their future. Personally, I am in favour of the latter view. Convincing arguments can be made that
parents
 have a crucial role in students’ behaviour. To start with,
parents
 are the offspring's first teachers.
For example
, a child starts to imitate his father or mother since he understands his environment.
In other words
, pupils’ characteristics
build
Wrong verb form
are built
show examples
 in the house under their
parents
' observation.
Moreover
,
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 spend the majority of their time at home;
therefore
, they learn courtesy and social skills from their immediate family.
For instance
,
parents
 remind their sons or
daughter
Fix the agreement mistake
daughters
show examples
 to say hi, when they enter the community and
also
 warn them to avoid disruptive manners.
Lastly
, children have a strong bond with their family unconsciously;
as a result
, they desire to be like their
parents
.
For example
, fathers are all little boys' and girls' heroes, and they like to step into their father's shoes someday. Admittedly, teachers in school have a great influence on apprentices.
This
 is because students are afraid of their mentor’s punishment;
therefore
, they prefer to obey tutors and behave politely in school.
In other words
, trainers can discipline students strictly. Even so,
this
 behaviour may
restrict
Wrong verb form
be restricted
show examples
 to school merely because of their fear of punishment.
Consequently
, they may not necessarily be good members of society in the future. In summary, I would concede that schools have some advantages and educate trainees. Despite that,
parents
 educate children in a much better way.
Overall
, I am convinced that families teach good manners better than instructors.
Submitted by Babak.ghassemi.9 on

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language
Work on enhancing the complexity and variety of sentence structures. Using a mix of short and long sentences can create a more engaging and dynamic essay.
cohesion
Try using transition words more effectively to create an even smoother flow of ideas across different paragraphs.
task
The essay presents a clear position and provides a comprehensive response to both aspects of the question, clearly explaining both viewpoints before giving the writer's opinion.
coherence
Logical structure is well-maintained throughout the essay, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that discuss both views, and a conclusion that reiterates the writer's opinion.
cohesion
The use of varied examples to support main points enhances the effectiveness of the argument.

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