IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

#people #life #money
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Nowadays, many
people
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 argue that a person’s
happiness
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 depends on
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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various factors, some of them believe that having a huge sum of
money
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 can give a feeling of great joy.
However
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, there are many other
things
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such
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 as
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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good family
relationships
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 or self-accomplishment in life which make a person feel happy. The main reason
of
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for
show examples
 having
a
Remove the article
apply
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plenty of
money
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 is that it allows
people
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 to live in a luxury. In fact,
money
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 provides to purchase luxuries and experiences that can bring joy and pleasure
such
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 as travel, expensive
things
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 and material comfort.
For instance
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, buying
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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apartments
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apartment
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 or expensive
cars
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car
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 can make habitants feel cheerful and satisfied because it increases their social status.
Furthermore
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, wealth can
also
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 give
people
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ability
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the ability
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 to help others and it brings a positive impact
in
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on
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 their community and
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
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 of fulfilment for them.
However
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, there are many other
things
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 that can bring
happiness
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. One of them is strong
relationships
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 with family which lead to joy in life. When
people
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 have great
relationships
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 with their loved ones and friends, they can share
with
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apply
show examples
their feelings with them.
In addition
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,
this
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 can reduce stress levels, increase
happiness
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 and give
feel
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the feel
a feel
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 of care
from
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to
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 close
people
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.
Moreover
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, achieving a goal in life can make
person
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a person
the person
show examples
 feel satisfied and feel happy.
For instance
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, some studies have shown that good kinship, sense of purpose and accomplishments are key
of
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to
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happiness
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.
To conclude
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,
money
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 can definitely lead to
luxury
Correct article usage
a luxury
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 lifestyle and
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
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 many
things
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 which
brings
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bring
show examples
happiness
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.
However
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,
relationships
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 with family and personal growth can
also
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 affect to person’s jollity.
Submitted by Allazhar on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial security
  • Basic needs
  • Comfort
  • Luxury
  • Freedom
  • Altruistic
  • Philanthropy
  • Nurturing relationships
  • Fulfillment
  • Sense of accomplishment
  • Physical well-being
  • Spiritual beliefs
  • Community involvement
  • Gratitude
  • Mindfulness
  • Simple pleasures
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