Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities.Others, however, say that this would have little affect on public health and other measure are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today’s society, some
people
Use synonyms
believe that increasing the number of
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
is the best way to enhance public
health
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, others argue that
this
Linking Words
will have only a minor impact, and other measures should be considered. In my opinion,
while
Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
are important, they are not the only solution to improving public
health
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, more
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
can encourage
people
Use synonyms
to be more physically active. If there are more parks, gyms, and swimming pools,
people
Use synonyms
may be more likely to exercise regularly.
For example
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
might start jogging if there is a new park nearby, or join a gym if it is affordable and close to home.
This
Linking Words
can lead to a healthier population, as regular exercise helps prevent many diseases.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, simply building more
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
may not be enough to significantly improve public
health
Use synonyms
. There are many factors that affect
health
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
as diet, smoking, and stress.
For example
Linking Words
, someone who eats unhealthy food or smokes regularly might not benefit much from using a gym.
Additionally
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
might not be motivated to use
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
even if they are available, especially if they are not used to exercising or are too busy with work and family. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
increasing the number of
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
can contribute to better public
health
Use synonyms
, it is not the only solution. Other measures,
such
Linking Words
as promoting a healthy diet and reducing smoking, are
also
Linking Words
necessary to improve the
overall
Linking Words
health
Use synonyms
of the population.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
In order to improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied linking words and phrases. This will help your essay flow more smoothly and will guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
To achieve higher marks for task achievement, try to develop each point further with more detailed examples or statistics. This will demonstrate a deeper understanding and provide stronger support for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
While your conclusion is clear and relevant, you could enhance it by summarizing the key points from both sides more explicitly before giving your own opinion. This would provide a more balanced and well-rounded conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument and provided your own opinion, which directly addresses the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are relevant and supported with examples, which helps to substantiate your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • physical activities
  • fitness
  • obesity rates
  • sports centers
  • mental well-being
  • motivation
  • education
  • public health campaigns
  • nutritional education
  • preventative healthcare
  • health screenings
  • long-term health outcomes
  • lifestyle changes
  • stress management
  • smoking cessation
  • alcohol consumption
  • comprehensive public health improvement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: