some think that young people should be free to choose any career they like, while other say that they should think more realistically about their future. discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many
people
argue that one's career should be something in which they are interested,
while
others believe that young
people
should think more carefully about their future and consider society's needs. Personally, I think that everyone has the right to decide for themselves and choose their future
job
based on their talents, not what society needs them to be.
This
essay will discuss both views. On the one hand, it is evident that
people
can not perform well in a field which they do not fancy.
Thus
, children should be encouraged to study a subject that they are passionate about.
This
can be achieved by helping them to find their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
subject at school and
support
Wrong verb form
supporting
show examples
their decisions and interests. Take a doctor who studied medicine because of her parents as an example, she might have been a significant actress if she followed her own dreams. In that
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
she would not have to face something that she despises on a daily basis.
Additionally
, it is highly possible for humans to change their minds and change their
job
later in life and
this
is
due to
a lack of interest in the
job
they are getting paid for.
On the other hand
, we should take poorer countries into consideration.
For instance
, the professionals from that country are likely to migrate to developed countries
due to
better
job
and life opportunities, which is quite understandable.
Therefore
, the community will need to train more doctors, scientists and engineers.
This
is why some
people
suppose that the community do not need artists and sports stars as much as diagnosticians and researchers. In conclusion, I tend to agree with the first group because
people
are more inclined to do their
job
if they have chosen it voluntarily,
however
, I think the governments should think of a solution for poorer nations.
Submitted by Vaniatbt11 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to illustrate your points, as this will strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each main idea is supported with clear reasoning or evidence to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion and summarizing your point of view.
task achievement
Good attempt to cover both perspectives of the argument, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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