The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend.
Undoubtedly, working at
this
time
is becoming harder due to
the company's compulsory, While
it is a commonly held belief that employees deserve longer weekends as their hard-working. There is also
an argument that opposes it. From my perspective, workers
should take more vacations to improve their mental health.
To begin
with, improving mental health requires workers
to relax and chill. It is also
possible to say that well-being comes from relaxation. Consequently
, it enhances the capability of flexible work
and job satisfaction. Furthermore
, the ability to spend more time
with their families and friends will improve. For example
, there is a study showed that 68% of companies today are focusing on redeveloping their duty time
so their workers
have more time
doing their hobbies and staying relaxed. Nonetheless
, this
method is showing good results, and many workers
are becoming more active and starting to achieve their job goals.
Another point to consider is the benefits reaching not only the employees But also
the company itself. In addition
, the majority of companies are requesting active workers
, and they have to apply the idea of minimal work
days as a result
of workers
complaining about their mental anxiety. Moreover
, almost all of the associations in the world today have started to develop their jobs and make them online due to
the worker's comfort. For instance
, a great company called AISE focuses on improving labourers' work
period, and the statistics showed that 99 per cent of their association's work
is completed by their well-begin labourers.
In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that it is significant to improve flexible work
time
for workers
' mental health. However
, most associations today successfully make flexibilities in duty work
by developing them into online work
.Submitted by ferasmirza11 on
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language usage
Be careful with word choice and sentence structure to ensure clarity. For example, the first sentence "working at this time is becoming harder due to the company's compulsory" is unclear. Consider revising it for better understanding.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. For instance, details about how a shorter workweek has benefitted companies and employees in real-life situations would strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your points are logically connected. Some ideas blend together, which can cause confusion. Use more linking words to clarify relationships between ideas.
task achievement
The essay effectively argues for the benefits of a shorter working week, particularly emphasizing improvements to workers' mental health and productivity.
coherence and cohesion
The inclusion of statistical data such as "68% of companies today..." provides a factual basis for your points, which strengthens your essay.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, with a clear statement of your position and a summary of your arguments.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?