IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend.

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Undoubtedly, working at
this
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time
Use synonyms
 is becoming harder
due to
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 the company's compulsory,
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that employees deserve longer weekends as their hard-working. There is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. From my perspective,
workers
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 should take more vacations to improve their mental health.
To begin
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 with, improving mental health requires
workers
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 to relax and chill. It is
also
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 possible to say that well-being comes from relaxation.
Consequently
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, it enhances the capability of flexible
work
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 and job satisfaction.
Furthermore
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, the ability to spend more
time
Use synonyms
 with their families and friends will improve.
For example
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, there is a study showed that 68% of companies today are focusing on redeveloping their duty
time
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 so their
workers
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 have more
time
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 doing their hobbies and staying relaxed.
Nonetheless
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,
this
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 method is showing good results, and many
workers
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 are becoming more active and starting to achieve their job goals. Another point to consider is the benefits reaching not only the employees But
also
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 the company itself.
In addition
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, the majority of companies are requesting active
workers
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, and they have to apply the idea of minimal
work
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 days
as a result
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 of
workers
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 complaining about their mental anxiety.
Moreover
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, almost all of the associations in the world today have started to develop their jobs and make them online
due to
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 the worker's comfort.
For instance
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, a great company called AISE focuses on improving labourers'
work
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 period, and the statistics showed that 99 per cent of their association's
work
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 is completed by their well-begin labourers. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that it is significant to improve flexible
work
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time
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 for
workers
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' mental health.
However
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, most associations today successfully make flexibilities in duty
work
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 by developing them into online
work
Use synonyms
.

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language usage
Be careful with word choice and sentence structure to ensure clarity. For example, the first sentence "working at this time is becoming harder due to the company's compulsory" is unclear. Consider revising it for better understanding.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. For instance, details about how a shorter workweek has benefitted companies and employees in real-life situations would strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your points are logically connected. Some ideas blend together, which can cause confusion. Use more linking words to clarify relationships between ideas.
task achievement
The essay effectively argues for the benefits of a shorter working week, particularly emphasizing improvements to workers' mental health and productivity.
coherence and cohesion
The inclusion of statistical data such as "68% of companies today..." provides a factual basis for your points, which strengthens your essay.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, with a clear statement of your position and a summary of your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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