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Band 6.5

Some people think that modern technology is making people more sociable, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #technology
These days
technologies
 made a step beyond our imagination of the world.
Consequently
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 number of
people
 suppose that contemporary
technologies
,
such
 as
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, smartphones or
smart watches
Correct your spelling
smartwatches
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 are making
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 more communicative,
whereas
 others think
otherwise
.
This
 essay will elaborate
two
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on two
show examples
 of these arguments and describe why I tend to agree with the former view. On the one hand, it cannot be denied that with the advent of the
Internet
Add a comma
,Internet
show examples
 the majority of
people
 became addicted to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gadgets. They used to spend their time in front of laptops or using smartphones, preferring
talk
Fix the infinitive
to talk
show examples
 to
people
 virtually.
Hence
, it may cause isolation and can lead to
destruction
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the destruction
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 of
close
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the close
a close
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relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 between friends and relatives.
For instance
,
according to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 survey of American psychologists, which was made in 2021,
people
 who work remotely,
online
Correct word choice
and online
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 experienced divorce more than offline employees.
However
,
on the other hand
,
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
 and other types of
technologies
 give humanity a huge opportunity to keep in touch with other
people
, who live in foreign countries.
Subsequently
, all who have
an
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apply
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access to
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
 are able to talk to any
people
, using video
call
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calls
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 or messenger.
Furthermore
, it is really beneficial in getting the special lessons, that you need. As an illustration, the vocal coach Cheryl Porter every year
teach
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teaches
show examples
 hundreds of singers from all over the world online through her course. Thereby, it helps to raise the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of her followers
in
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on
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 social networks.
To sum up
, even though modern
technologies
 in some cases might be a reason
of
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for
show examples
person’s
Correct article usage
a person’s
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 isolation,
nevertheless
Add a comma
,nevertheless
show examples
 it
also
 has
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 positive sides. From my point of view, if to utilize all gadgets and other kinds of
technologies
 for the right purpose,
on the contrary
, it would
unit
Replace the word
unite
show examples
 millions of
people
.
Submitted by Allazhar on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • online marketplaces
  • mobile payment options
  • personalized advertising
  • accessibility
  • compare prices
  • decision fatigue
  • impulse buying
  • financial imprudence
  • privacy and data security
  • transformed
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
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