IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.
#numbers #visitors #ashdown #museum #year #show #surveys #visit #two #periods
A glance at the table provided reveals the
number
 of visitors who joined Ashdown
museum
 during the year before and after its reconstruction.And two charts illustrate the result of surveys
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
collected
Add a missing verb
were collected
show examples
 from visitors who visited
museum
Correct article usage
the museum
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 both times.It is obvious that
museum
Correct article usage
the museum
show examples
 had a positive impact on
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 after its repair.
According to
 the
table
Add a comma
,table
show examples
 the
number
 of
people
 who visited Ashdom
museum
 before its rehabilitation were 74000
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
.Meanwhile the
number
 of
people
 who saw the
museum
 after refurbishment had considerably
increase
Change the verb form
increased
show examples
 to 92000
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
.One particular point
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
highlighted by the figure is that,in the inquiries,before
refurbishment
Add a comma
,refurbishment
show examples
 about 40
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 were dissatisfied to visit
museum
Add an article
the museum
a museum
show examples
.
In contrast
,
this
number
 completely changed to
satisfied
Wrong verb form
satisfy
show examples
people
 after
reconstruction
Correct article usage
the reconstruction
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
museum
.
In
addition
Add a comma
,addition
show examples
 the amount of
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 who
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 very satisfied from 15
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 rose to 35
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 after
new
Add an article
the new
show examples
 decoration of
museum
Correct article usage
the museum
show examples
. As it is clear during
this
 time the percentage of
people
 who did not answer to survey remained at 5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in
this
 period.
Besides
.the
number
 of very dissatisfied
people
 had
5
Correct article usage
a 5
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 decrease from 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 to 5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 before and after reconstruction respectively.
Submitted by marzieh.kiani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, museum, people, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • refurbishment
  • visitor statistics
  • satisfaction survey
  • seasonal trends
  • demographics
  • benchmarking
  • feedback mechanisms
  • amenities
  • exhibitions
  • customer experience
  • turnaround
  • user engagement
  • footfall
  • improvements
  • disparities
  • perception
  • enhancements
What to do next:
Look at other essays: