IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on the protection of wild animals and that this money could be better spent on the human population. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your choice. You should write at least 250 words.

#people #amount #time #money #protection #animals #population #choice
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It is an undeniable fact that a great deal of the public is attracted a question to today's world debate is whether we should spend an amount of time and money on the conservation of
wildlife
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 or improving livelihood and enhancing the quality of
life
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 of the human population. From my perspective, I partly agree with the viewpoint that animals should be protected.
However
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, the government
also
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 needs to enlarge development and investment in the quality of human
life
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.
This
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 statement will be discussed in the following paragraphs. On the one hand,
although
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 we have been through many centuries, many parts of the world still suffer from the lack of healthcare, and humanitarian aid (war, new diseases, famine, religious/ethnical conflict). A large number of people face poverty-stricken and disease circumstances. Economic recession is an ongoing cause that people to lose their jobs which
consequently
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 increases inflation rates and unemployment rates. A lot of businesses had to close down. The priority should be helping to raise the living standards, welfare, well-being, and education of society, which have a negative correlation with adverse effects on the
environment
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. The priority should be helping to raise the living standards, welfare, well-being, and education of society, which have a negative correlation with adverse effects on the
environment
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. Humanity is the main subject; without
humans
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, the
environment
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 would not be defined as itself. Everything gets its meaning from the perspective of
humans
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.
On the other hand
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, raising funds to save
wildlife
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 is very essential. Wild animals have a vital role in human
life
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. It not only balances the ecosystem but
also
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 helps archive medical breakthroughs. Wild animals play important roles in the food chain and are important food sources for
humans
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. If they are extinct, the risk of shortage of the food chain is very high, especially in human
life
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 directly affected. Protecting the
environment
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 will ensure a sustainable future for the next generation.
To sum up
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,
wildlife
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 brings various benefits to our lives.
Although
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 there are many reasons for protecting
wildlife
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, I believe that the well-being of
humans
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 should take precedence
due to
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 the numerous dangers they face.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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introduction/conclusion
Your introduction provides an overview of the topic, but it does so in a manner that is slightly convoluted. Strive for clarity in presenting your thesis statement and clearly delineate the sections of your discussion.
logical structure
The structure of your essay shows a clear progression from one idea to the next. However, some points are repeated, such as the impact of low living standards on the environment; aim for a more concise expression of ideas.
supported main points
Support your main points with concrete examples. Although you mention the importance of animals in the ecosystem and medical research, you could strengthen your argument by providing specific, real-world instances of these benefits.
complete response
You addressed the task and provided arguments for both sides of the issue. However, your essay would benefit from a more developed response that elaborates on these points with additional details and examples.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas and views are clear, but they can be expanded upon for greater impact. Ensure that your justifications are not merely stated but fully explained and supported by specific arguments or evidence. This will help to establish a more comprehensive perspective on the topic.
relevant specific examples

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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