Some people think that people should be given the right to use freshwater as they like. Others believe governments should strictly control the use of freshwater. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is debatable whether the government should announce the law to manage the consumption of freshwater or allow
residents
to use it freely. From my perspective, both opinions are convincing to a certain extent, but I still find the former more reasonable. The following paragraphs
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
shed light on my viewpoint. Admittedly, opponents of
this
opinion have pointed out several rational reasons.
First,
fresh
water
is a valuable resource which is necessary for well-being.
In particular
, utilizing poisoned
water
causes many intestinal diseases. In the long term,
this
problem is likely to become a reason for cancer.
Second,
humans need fresh
water
for the production industry.
For instance
, freshwater is used in several food-products enterprises, especially in beverage companies
such
as Coca-Cola. Yearly, they contribute to the development of the economy around the world. Despite the valid arguments detailed above, I still believe that the government should promulgate freshwater-related laws to handle the consumption of freshwater. The most pertinent point is that it prevents citizens from using
water
wastefully.
For example
, in several third-world countries in Africa,
although
residents
are supplied fresh
water
by the legal body, they still lack fresh
water
for their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
This
is a consequence of the shortage of awareness about using
water
. Another justification is that the
water
-related laws ensure fresh
water
is allocated effectively. To elaborate,
residents
could use fresh
water
regardless of their location.
As a result
, it enhances the life standard of citizens worldwide. In conclusion, it is indisputable that individuals have the right to utilize freshwater.
Nonetheless
, I still believe that it is essential to announce laws which help
residents
classify freshwater rationally.
Submitted by nttung.182 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but can be strengthened by clearly stating the writer's opinion and summarizing the main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure needs improvement. Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence.
Task Achievement
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant and specific ideas. However, ensure that the opinion is clearly stated and fully supported throughout the essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: