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Band 7.5

Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children while others think it is the fault of the parents. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #government #rise #obesity #children #fault #parents
Obesity has become a common issue in today’s world ,especially among
children
. Many people blame the government for
this
,
while
 others think it is the parent's fault. Both opinions are relevant but I personally believe that parents are more answerable for
this
. The infrastructure of the metropolitan cities in the country has been altered in recent years,
due to
 the increasing population.
Hence
, the Government is taking action to cater for the issues being faced
due to
this
 problem. Many parks and gardens have been demolished for the construction of apartments and hotels to provide accommodation.
Due to
 the launching of the latest buses across the city, the use of bicycles is
also
 reduced by many students.
Furthermore
, environmental changes are
also
 causing health problems in
children
.
For instance
, cutting down trees for making roads, underpasses, flyovers and many
such
 things, which are causing pollution in the area,
thus
 preventing youth to go out of their homes for physical activities.
On the other hand
, parents are directly linked to
this
 problem. The responsibility solely lies upon them for keeping a check on their
children
’s health. They are more concerned about their education and career, that they have put a burden of studies on kids.
Moreover
,
due to
 hectic schedules, physical activities have
also
 been reduced. Nowadays mother and father both are working for earning bread and the health of their
children
 suffers.
For Example
, when both of them get tired after having a hard day, they find it easier to order something for lunch or dinner. In
this
 way, the trend of having fast food is
also
 increased a lot which in turn raises obesity. In my opinion, the responsibility of
children
 lies on the shoulder of the parents, so health-related problems should
also
 be dealt with by them, and only government should not be blamed.
Submitted by ned.khizar on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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