More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons? What can be done to solve this problem?

Over the
last
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few years, there has been an increase in the number of wild
animals
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facing extinction and on the endangered list.
While
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some human activities, including poaching and deforestation, are to blame for
this
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loss, some steps can be taken by governments to deal with
this
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problem. Regarding the reasons why increasingly more wild beasts are being wiped out, the first one seems to be poaching. Despite the presence of certain laws against hunting some rare
animals
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,
this
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illegal activity has been performed continuously, posing a risk for some
species
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to die out. In fact, so-called White Wolf
species
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, mainly found in Asia, were hunted in significantly high numbers in 2020, and have now been added to the list of protection-need
animals
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, which shows an unintended consequence of illegal hunting. Another factor is clearing forest lands where some wild
animals
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find shelter. In order to meet increasing demand for the provision of accommodation and logging industries, a considerable number of hectares of forests have been flattened, not taking rare
species
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and their possible disappearance into account. Having said that, there is still a chance to curb
this
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ongoing loss of wild
animals
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. For one thing, those who hunt
animals
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in an illegal way should be punished severely with exorbitant fines, with the repetitive offenders being sentenced even to imprisonment.
This
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would act as a deterrent against poachers and make them think twice before committing
this
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act. For another thing, the government can step in preserving natural habitats of rare
animals
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.
In other words
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, some parts of forests where
such
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species
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live can be turned into natural reserves to create an environment for wild
animals
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to reproduce and breed, without the danger of being hunted and losing their habitat.
To sum up
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, the loss of particular wild
species
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can be attributable to two key reasons.
However
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, only when strict punishments for poachers and additional care for natural habitats are present, would
this
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issue be solved.

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task response
For task response, your answer covers both parts of the question well. To make it even better, add one more clear and real example for the habitat loss point.
task response
For task response, some ideas are strong, but a few words sound a bit unclear or not fully natural, like 'protection-need animals'. Use simpler and more exact words.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow and each paragraph has a clear job. To improve more, make some links between ideas smoother.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you use linking words well, but do not use too many set phrases. Keep the flow more natural.
task response
For task response, you answer both questions clearly: you give reasons and solutions.
task response
For task response, your main ideas are relevant and well explained.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each main point is supported with explanation.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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