IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many manufactured foods and drinks products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#foods #drinks #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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Nowadays,
sugar
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 is usually present in foods and drinks in our diet.
As a result
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, there are more potential dangers for the individual healthy than in the past
due to
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 the overconsumption of
sugar
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.
Therefore
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 some people suggest that the price of produced
food
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 rich in carbohydrates should be increased in order to reduce their consumption. In my view, I firmly believe that
this
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 is not the better possible solution and it could not resolve the problem.
To begin
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,
it is clear that
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this
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 choice could reduce the assumption of
sugar
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 for a person.
However
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,
following
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this
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 way, the poorer part population would have serious difficulties buying important
food
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such
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 as pasta and bread.
For instance
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, in Italy pasta represent a democratic
food
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, if their price will rise it would be an economic catastrophe.
In addition
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, many scientific findings have proved that some healthy
food
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 like rice or in general cereal is not correlated to a risk for health and takes a key role in the function of our body. 
On the other hand
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, the development of
food
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 education in people would be a more feasible approach to fighting the consumption of carbohydrates. In fact, a deeper knowledge of what we eat allows people to choose the better
food
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 adapted to each occasion.
Moreover
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, they would be able to balance their diet by avoiding too high an assumption of
sugar
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. In conclusion,
although
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 the rise in prices would be a solution over a short time, I think that
food
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 education could have a more positive impact in the long term in our society.
Submitted by cimbo95 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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