IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some areas of the US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?

#areas #curfew #teenagers #doors #time #night #adult
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Nowadays, many countries have safety issues connected to
children
Use synonyms
. How to protect our
children
Use synonyms
 and what are the most effective ways of protecting them from uncertain things? Some people believe that we should not allow kids to go out of the home in the evening. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea, and in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will support my opinion with examples.
Children
Use synonyms
 should not have fear of anything when they are growing
, but
Change preposition
up, but
show examples
still
Add a comma
,still
show examples
 bad things happen to them.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is the government’s responsibility because there are not enough laws which totally protect
children
Use synonyms
, and members of parliament do not enough represent all
children
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’s rights.
Secondly
Linking Words
, police departments need to pay more attention to areas where have a crime against teenagers because criminals may not have space to stay around.
Lastly
Linking Words
, parents have to improve
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
neighbor's
Change the spelling
neighbour's
show examples
relationships
Fix the agreement mistake
relationship
show examples
 with each other. The relation improves safety in the areas.
For example
Linking Words
, the Australian government made huge changes in some laws to cover all the rights of
children
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 in 2022
according to
Linking Words
 ABC news.
As a result
Linking Words
, the nation became a more comfortable place for
children
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, going out
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
late
night
Change preposition
at night
show examples
 without an adult could be some
risks
Fix the agreement mistake
risk
show examples
 because the laws and the police can not fully protect
children
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
 the reason why parents have to pay more attention to their kids.
For instance
Linking Words
, criminals mostly try to use teenagers, who
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not enough care from their parents, for crimes because the criminals are under the police eye. In conclusion, spending
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
late evenings outside of the home may have some risks.
However
Linking Words
, teenagers need to spend time together to study or to have fun.
Submitted by enkhbat0923 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • enforce
  • juvenile
  • repercussions
  • autonomy
  • adolescence
  • paternalistic
  • delinquency
  • municipality
  • ordinance
  • authoritarian
  • peer pressure
  • social dynamics
  • civil liberties
  • community policing
  • preventative measures
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