At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relativity large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
population in some countries is significantly fewer older people than young
adults
. In
this
essay, I will discuss both pros and cons
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and provide some examples
according to
the given statement. To start with, a large number of
adults
can contribute to the growth economy, and even create some innovations for developing their motherland. In recent times, technology and the internet are rapidly growing
over
Change preposition
around
show examples
the world.
This
changes more conveniently for young generations. Because of
this
, adolescents can access with simplicity every website, and
this
originates their sense of mindset.
For example
, nowadays, a numerous
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
news, innovations,
gadgets
Correct word choice
and gadgets
show examples
creating with clarity by many young
adults
.
On the other hand
, a big part of
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
population causes many crime rates. To my way of thinking, these causes might lead them into black jobs, and these would be malicious for their health. Because of
this
, young people are very curious and overindulgent rather
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
older individuals.
However
, they are originating some illegal
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
show examples
, and it is spontaneously influencing their parents. Because of
this
, every penalty, we must pay
the
Correct determiner usage
every
show examples
money.
Furthermore
, we can wrestle with these problems, if the government approach humility.
For example
, supply some essential modern gadgets during the school periods, and we can achieve only by hard work to these goals. Taking everything into account, both views have advantages and drawbacks. Young
adults
can contribute to the
growth
Replace the word
growing
show examples
economy of their nation.
However
, they are causing some illegal
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
Whereas
, in common
conditions
Add a comma
,conditions
show examples
everything depends on families.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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