IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#offenders #crimes #first #punishment #measures
The majority of the people who committed
crimes
 do not hesitate to repeat the illegal act after
release
Add a missing verb
being release
show examples
 from jail. many people strongly believe that
due to
 overcrowded ,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
prisons
Add a comma
,prisons
show examples
 most judges are directing minimum punishments to the criminal who committed violent
crimes
.
therefore
, those
criminals
 feel well coming to do more
crimes
 as they did not receive the proper sentence that they deserve.
however
, in developed ,countries
this
 case is totally different as
such
 high-quality facilities and good living environments in side prisons many offenders are not scared to return to the prison cells. Many countries trying their best to minimize their crime rate but most of them are failing
due to
 a lack of punishment methods for violent
crimes
.if we want to control
this
 situation we must introduce a strong penalizing method.
also
, we require Well organised rehabilitation centres which will benefit
criminals
 after they releasing from jail.we can take as a good example Middle East countries which have the lowest crime rates in the world because they control their people by introducing the toughest penalising system to their communities . To take over
this
 situation vocational training program is one of the best solutions.
due to
 the lack of job opportunities many
criminals
 are facing difficulties finding a job after getting out of jail as many companies are checking their criminal records.If the government can direct them to training programs
such
 as carpentry, electrical work and plumbing it will be a great help for them to start their own career after returning to society. In ,conclusion if governments can introduce proper punishment for violent
criminals
 and proper career training programs for minor
criminals
 we can easily find a solution to
this
 issue.
Submitted by ixionks on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: