IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that in the modern world, getting old is entirely bad.Others think that life of the elderly in the modern world is much better than it was in the past. do you agree or disagree give your own opinion.

#people #world #life
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that in the modern
world
Use synonyms
 getting old is entirely bad.Others think that the life of the elderly in the modern
world
Use synonyms
 is much better than it was in the past.
while
Linking Words
 I think
people
Use synonyms
 getting old is a natural law, so we can not avoid it happening, I think the life of the elderly in the modern
world
Use synonyms
 is much better than it was in the past. on the one hand,in the modern
world
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 getting old may lead to some disadvantages.
firstly
Linking Words
, nowadays ,the technological develop fastly,
for instance
Linking Words
, some old
people
Use synonyms
 do not know how to use smartphones because of the development of smartphones ,
furthermore
Linking Words
, older cannot adapt to living in the modern
world
Use synonyms
 very quickly,so they may feel they fall behind.
secondly
Linking Words
,some outdoor activities are too dangerous for an elder that they can not participants.
finally
Linking Words
, these advanced products were too complex to control for elders,
moreover
Linking Words
 ,they will spend a long period learning how to use them.
however
Linking Words
,old
people
Use synonyms
 living in modern society it will lead some disadvantages,but I think it
also
Linking Words
 will bring many benefits.
firstly
Linking Words
,it will promote hospital industry innovation with technological advanced,and some diseases of old
people
Use synonyms
 can be circuitry and old
people
Use synonyms
 will not suffer.
secondly
Linking Words
, because smartphones appear, older
people
Use synonyms
 can use their phones to connect with their offspring and friends without distance and time limits,
therefore
Linking Words
 they will not sense of isolation.
finally
Linking Words
,the elder
people
Use synonyms
 can participate in some indoor activities
such
Linking Words
 as majiang meanwhile they can join some singing clubs or dance clubs and participants in elder college to learn instruments or computer skills,and these can improve elder
people
Use synonyms
's sense of happiness,and these experiences they ever been in the past. in conclusion, I think
people
Use synonyms
 getting old is a natural law so we can not avoid it happening,but I think the life of the elderly in the modern
world
Use synonyms
 is much better than it was in the past.
Submitted by 992127079 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • elderly
  • modern world
  • decline
  • physical
  • mental health
  • diseases
  • disabilities
  • social isolation
  • loneliness
  • access
  • healthcare
  • medications
  • lifelong learning
  • personal growth
  • social support
  • community engagement
  • positive aspects
  • negative aspects
What to do next:
Look at other essays: