IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Do you agree or disagree with government giving money to artists, rather than health care system?

#government #money #artists #health #care #system
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Promoting and encouraging
artists
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 by giving them financial benefits like donations, prizes etc is a debatable subject across the globe. Many individuals have the opinion that
Artists
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 should not be promoted at the cost of urgent priorities like the
health
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care
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 system . In the impending ,essay I will present both views and give my opinion .
To begin
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 with , Every nation should primarily look after its people and their welfare. Infrastructure and necessary services should be developed on a priority basis.
Moreover
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, the
Health
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care
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 scheme in major countries is a controversial topic of debate. As most countries have faulty
healthcare
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systems
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.
For instance
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 , In the US
healthcare
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 scheme is driven by private insurance companies. As hospitals are linked to private insurance policy
systems
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. promoting art and culture at the cost of the public
health
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care
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 system is not a wise decision.
Furthermore
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, There are some exceptions to it and performing
artists
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 are given priority by their respective governments.
Artists
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 are showered with cash rewards , scholarships and other financial benefits. They are treated as achievers and endowed with lots of prizes and gifts.
Although
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, It is a good sign
,
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apply
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if you are a wealthy nation. To illustrate, Canada has a government-funded
healthcare
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 scheme . Which is regarded as one of the best
healthcare
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systems
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 in the world .
To conclude
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, Most countries should spend their budget on
health
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care
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systems
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. Not every country is following that. ,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
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Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
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 I am of opinion that the
health
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care
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 system is a priority of the government and should be taken
care
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 of on an urgent and prioritised basis.
Submitted by yash334 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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