IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#say #people #age #work
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The topic that
weather
Correct your spelling
whether
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 the retirement
age
Use synonyms
 should be raised or not because the average life longevity is increasing in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society, is one
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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debatable among
people
Use synonyms
 and some
also
Linking Words
 believe it should be done.
This
Linking Words
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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disagree with
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
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 statement that the current method of
retirements
Fix the agreement mistake
retirement
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need
Change the verb form
needs
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 to remain unchanged
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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because of two main reasons: giving new blood
for
Change preposition
to
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 the workplace and getting prone to
loosing
Replace the word
losing
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 consistency consequence of physical and mental problems. The replacement of old driving forces with new and powerful ones might lead to a great improvement in any sphere. It is my personal belief that despite several arguments employees are highly likely to become less effective after the limited
age
Use synonyms
 of retirement.
Thus
Linking Words
, in order to create a work opportunity for young generations, it is the best way to
giving
Wrong verb form
give
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 up work
by
Change preposition
apply
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seniors
although
Linking Words
 they are very experienced. The moderate
age
Use synonyms
 of setting up a carrier is still the same among young
people
Use synonyms
 and delaying
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirement may cause to broke
this
Linking Words
 circular process down.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, as
people
Use synonyms
 are getting older, they face several troubles both mentally and physically which deteriorates their work efficiency. It is
proven
Correct article usage
a proven
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 and irrefutable fact that most
people
Use synonyms
 who are over 55 or 60 the oldest ages of a normal workplace
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 have at least
a
Correct determiner usage
one
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 type of
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
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problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
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.
Instead
Linking Words
 of putting them under pressure again, spending the rest of their lives within their family where there are full of
people
Use synonyms
 who
highly
Add a missing verb
are highly
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 concerned about them and they may forget about any troubles would be the best way and
also
Linking Words
 leads to living much longer. In conclusion, even though the average life longevity is increasing now, I think the
age
Use synonyms
 at which
people
Use synonyms
 finish their
carriers
Correct your spelling
careers
show examples
 should be maintained
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 current position because of the reasons mentioned above.
Submitted by uskanovjavokhir07 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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