IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think advantage of technology outweigh the disadvantages

#people #media #touch #news #events #advantage #technology
This
 day, most people
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 social
media
 to stay updated
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their loved ones and other people. I positively agree with
this
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
 to communicate
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 others. Currently, in
this
generation
Add a comma
,generation
show examples
 we are more in relying
on
Correct quantifier usage
more on
show examples
 social
media
 to have
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 effective
way
 when it comes to communicating in long distance
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 even
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 our loved ones unlike the old ways of past
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
 using email or writing a letter and
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 the letter or email for about less than a month or worse more than a month in
such
way
 drawbacks to
misunderstanding
Add an article
a misunderstanding
the misunderstanding
show examples
 of individuals, much worried to their family far away what her or his condition, and especially to a person who are suffering from
illness
Add an article
an illness
show examples
 they need more emotional support. In my opinion, I am much more pro to social
media
 since
this
 is
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 generation and it gives
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 us. Getting accurate information
to
Change preposition
about
show examples
 other members of
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is going through in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 easiest
way
 just to call them anytime you want; it is
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a relief and better
way
Change preposition
of communication
show examples
communication
Replace the word
communicating
show examples
 especially for those people who can't go to their family when having a crucial event because of financial status
this
 is the
way
 to reach out and witness what
is the
Change to the active voice
does the real happen
has the real happened
show examples
real
Replace the word
really
show examples
 happened. In my conclusion, in
this
 world there are many positive effects and drawbacks when you
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 social
media
 since you are the one who used to; you need more responsible on how is the proper to use
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 and
also
 know the disadvantages
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
such
 ways you can use it for a long time and help all of us that don't need to worry about the effects and benefits.
Submitted by cristelsarondo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: