Importance should be given to the academic subjects by the schools. Music and sports should not be as a subject. Do you agree or disagree. Give reasons and examples for your answer.
Some people believe that only academic disciplines should be considered significant in school,
while
music
and sports should be disregarded as unimportant. However
, I completely disagree with this
viewpoint. In my opinion, artistic and physical abilities are crucial for learners’ holistic development and should be given equal importance. In my essay, I will elaborate on why music
and physical education
are essential components of a well-rounded education
.
First and foremost, musical subjects play a vital role in nurturing young people’s emotional and creative development. Music
provides pupils with a unique avenue to express their emotions and thoughts in ways that words alone cannot achieve. For instance
, engaging with music
allows individuals to process complex feelings, contributing to emotional intelligence and mental well-being. A study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that music
significantly enhances emotional regulation in children. By participating in music
classes, individuals learn to manage and articulate their emotions, leading to improved coping mechanisms and better mental health
. Additionally
, music
education
fosters creativity and critical thinking, skills that are transferable to other areas of study and life challenges. The ability to think creatively and manage emotions is indispensable in today’s rapidly changing world.
Furthermore
, physical education
is equally important as it promotes both physical health
and mental well-being. Regular participation in sports and physical activities is essential for maintaining physical fitness, which directly impacts individuals’ ability to focus and perform well in academic endeavours. Beyond physical health
, physical education
offers significant mental health
benefits. For example
, a study published in the Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology found that regular exercise helps young people manage stress and anxiety by triggering the release of endorphins, which are natural mood enhancers. Moreover
, physical education
teaches valuable life skills like teamwork, discipline, and perseverance, which are crucial for personal and professional success. These lessons are not only applicable in sports but also
in academic pursuits and future career endeavours.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that music
and physical education
should be regarded as essential elements of the school curriculum. These activities contribute to the holistic development of learners by enhancing their emotional intelligence, creativity, physical health
, and mental well-being. Ignoring the importance of these areas would be a disservice to young people, depriving them of the opportunities to develop skills and traits that are invaluable in both their academic and personal lives. Therefore
, schools should prioritize a balanced curriculum that includes both academic and non-academic subjects, ensuring that learners receive a comprehensive education
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task achievement
You have provided a very strong response to the task. To strive for perfection, make sure every point is directly related to the central theme of the essay. Occasionally rephrasing key points to make them clearer could enhance the impact further.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is exceptionally well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To enhance cohesion, consider using a wider variety of transitional phrases. This would add a bit more stylistic variety.
coherence and cohesion
Your logical structure is impeccable, making the essay easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are well-developed and effectively frame the essay.
task achievement
Your main points are consistently well-supported with relevant examples and detailed reasoning.
task achievement
You have clearly and comprehensively addressed the task, providing a complete and insightful response.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.