Some children spent hours every day on their smart phone. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

The phenomenon of young ages
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
using their mobile phone too much has aroused wide concern among various circles. Divergent as
people
's view on
this
issue in question may be, I personally believe that the
rapidly
Change the adverb
rapid
show examples
development
of
technology
is the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
situation and
this
would bring us more benefits to overcome its drawbacks. The reason why
Correct article usage
the rapidly
show examples
rapidly
Change the word
rapid
show examples
growth of
technology
will make children spend more time on their smartphones. To illustrate, many websites, applications or systems were
innvented
Correct your spelling
invented
such
as shopping
website
Fix the agreement mistake
websites
show examples
, movie apps, and games. Young folks can
accesse
Correct your spelling
access
that application through mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
.
As a result
, many children use it for meeting new friends, sharing their life stories, watching movies, playing as a game platform, etc... Those features are the main reason why everyone
obuse
Correct your spelling
abuse
mobile devices these days, and
technology
makes those features become reality from the imagination.
Although
many technological products would make
people
addicte
Correct your spelling
addicted
addictive
addict
, it
is not means
Change the verb form
does not mean
show examples
this
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
negative
development
. In fact, it can bring a lot of benefits to humans.
For instance
, mobile devices make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication easier,
people
can talk with each other without the limitation of distance.
Moreover
, it can help many adults who are busy
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
work by online shopping. They do not need extra time to buy and prepare food for every meal. There are many other
innvention
Correct your spelling
inventions
invention
that would improve our quality of life
such
as flights, vehicles,
microwaves
Correct word choice
and microwaves
show examples
.
Hence
,
this
is a positive
development
. Under
this
line of thinking, it seems to me that
technology
would corrupt
people
, but it
also
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
us to simplify our daily tasks and make the relationship between humans closer.
Besides
, it is our responsibility to restrict ourselves
on
Change preposition
from
show examples
using those technologies.
Thus
, I believe that it is a good
development
.
Submitted by frankyimp on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: