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Band 6.5

Teenagers are spending too much time on computers and this will lead to a severe problem in their mental and physical health. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#teenagers #time #computers #health
In the present
day
, young
people
 are spending too much
time
 on
computers
 and
this
 will be affected their mental and physical health. In my ,
opinion
Add an article
an opinion
the opinion
show examples
 I agree that sitting for long hours on
computers
 will have many
problems
 for our young
people
.
This
 essay will discuss the negative things about spending my
time
 on
computers
.
Firstly
, many
people
 who spend much
time
 on the Internet
such
 as
people
 who spend
time
 more than 8 hours per
day
 there will have
problems
 with their health like their eyes will be short and their back will hurt.
Secondly
, many young
people
 spend too much
time
 with computer games that some
computers
 are very harmful to children
for example
, in ,America many students copy online games and kill
people
 in schools.
In addition
, many students who spend a lot of
time
 on
computers
 there have
problems
 with their weight and
also
 they have
problems
 with socialising because someone only meets
people
 online.
On the other hand
, in the modern world, it is good to spend too much
time
 on the computer because everything is changing ,
for example
, many companies give the employee the can work from home and our life must
use
 the internet every
time
. So, it is very important to
use
 a computer every
day
 and for long hours.
To conclude
,I totally agree that spending too much
time
 on
computers
 is very dangerous for teenagers in mental and physical health.
However
, now a
day
 we need to
use
computers
 in our life and we need to spend more
time
 on
computers
such
 as work or study.
Therefore
, I think is very important to control teenagers'
use
 of
computers
.
Submitted by itchayatop31 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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