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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people believe that primary education should also teach arts and music, not only science and mathematics. Do you agree or disagree?

In the modern world, it is undeniable that science and
mathematics
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 play a crucial role in primary
education
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.
However
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, many people believe that young
children
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 should
also
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 be taught
arts
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 and
music
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 rather than focusing only on academic
subjects
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. I strongly agree with
this
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 view, as
arts
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education
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 contributes significantly to
children
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’s
overall
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 development. One of the most obvious reasons is that
arts
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 and
music
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 help develop creativity and cognitive skills in young learners. To illustrate, activities
such
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 as drawing, painting, and playing musical instruments encourage
children
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 to think imaginatively and express themselves freely.
For instance
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,
children
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 who participate in
music
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 lessons often develop better memory and concentration, which can
also
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 improve their performance in
subjects
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 like
mathematics
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 and languages.
Therefore
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,
arts
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education
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 supports academic learning rather than distracting from it. Another point that should not be overlooked is that
arts
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 and
music
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 promote emotional and social development. To clarify, through creative
subjects
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,
children
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 learn how to communicate feelings, work in groups, and appreciate different cultures.
For example
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, participating in school performances or group art projects can build confidence and teamwork skills.
In addition
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, not all
children
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 excel in science or
mathematics
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, and
arts
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subjects
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 provide alternative ways for them to succeed and feel motivated at school. To recapitulate, it is evident that
while
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 science and
mathematics
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 are essential,
arts
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 and
music
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 play an equally important role in primary
education
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.
Therefore
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, I believe that schools should adopt a balanced curriculum that includes both academic and creative
subjects
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.
This
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 approach helps
children
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 develop intellectually, emotionally, and socially, preparing them more effectively for future
education
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 and life.

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task response
TR: State your view clearly in the first line, then give two or three strong reasons with one example for each. End with a short restate of your view.
coherence and cohesion
CC: Each paragraph has one main idea. Use simple link words to join ideas and make the flow smooth. End with a short sentence that sum up your view.
strength
Clear view and strong stance on the topic.
strength
Reason and example are used well to back points.
strength
Easy to read and well organized paragraphs.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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