There is no need to attend a live performance (a play or concert) because seeing it at home on television is better. To what extend to you agree or disagree?

It is widely commonly argued that
people
don’t need to attend a
live
performance
(a play or
concert
) because seeing it at
home
on television is better. Personally, I can neither completely agree nor disagree with
this
statement for a variety of reasons. I partly agree that
people
don’t need to attend a
live
performance
(a play or
concert
). One of the main reasons can be that
people
usually don’t like
concerts
because of the high cost.
This
means that they must pay a lot of money to purchase a ticket. Another reason can be that
when
Rephrase
apply
show examples
watching a
concert
on TV is surely cheaper and even more comfortable.
For example
, I could invite my friends and spend a pleasant evening watching the event
altogether
Rephrase
together
show examples
.
On the other hand
, I disagree about seeing a
live
performance
(play or
concert
) at
home
on television.
Firstly
, we can enjoy a lively atmosphere at the
concerts
with a crowd more than staying at
home
.
This
is because of the lighting and the emotions of the audience there, which can’t happen at
home
.
For example
, I can see my favourite singer on the stage, singing and dancing
together with
thousands of
people
.
That is
an experience I'll never forget.
Secondly
,
live
concerts
offer a great platform and a unique opportunity for real music fans to get close and personal favourite artists, singers, instrumentalists and bands. In conclusion,
although
watching a
live
performance
at
home
is cheaper than attending a
live
performance
, I’m convinced that the atmosphere at
live
concerts
will be an experience never to forget.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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cohesion
Avoid repetition of phrases like 'live performance' repeatedly in the same sentences.
content
Work on clarity of arguments. Some points could be argued more effectively.
language
Use more varied sentence structures to make your essay more engaging.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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