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Writing Samples
Band 6

A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#country #population #mixture #nationalities
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These days, the population in many
countries
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 is mixing with various nationalities. Some
people
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 think it will end up with a negative influence on the
country
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's development:
lose
Correct word choice
and lose
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 its identity.
However
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, I firmly believe
this
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 phenomenon makes a
country
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 interesting and improves it fast
because of
Change preposition
for
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 several reasons.
To begin
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 with,
this
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 phenomenon will be able to lead to a mixture of
cultures
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, creating a new
one
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. If
people
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 who have different
cultures
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 live together, they will adapt to society by adjusting their own
cultures
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 to the original ones.
Then
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, it will
be resulted
Change to the active voice
result
have resulted
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 in interesting products, making
countries
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 more fascinating.
For example
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, each
country
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 has some towns for other
countries
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'
people
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. When
one
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 goes there,
one
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 can enjoy the harmony of various
cultures
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.
This
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 interesting
one
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 can be used as a tourism product. On top of that, a mixture of nationalities provides more chances to get various ideas.
People
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's thoughts
get
Verb problem
are
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 influenced by their living environment, and generally, each
country
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 has different lifestyles.
Thus
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, individuals
with
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of
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 different nationalities will have other opinions on the same topics. Using these various ideas makes the
country
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 decide something faster, leading to quicker development. Studies have shown that a group including participants from different nations could make a decision and progress the task faster than
the other
Fix the agreement mistake
another
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one
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 containing only
one
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 nationality.
Furthermore
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, the result was decent. In conclusion, some
people
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 worry about a nationality's mixture because of the risk of losing their own features.
However
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, the public who comes from other
countries
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 will have different
cultures
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 and ideas from those in the origin world,
making
Verb problem
having
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 a positive effect on a
country
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.
Submitted by eunbi_0915 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details that logically connect to the topic sentence.
task achievement
You have provided a clear position and supported it with relevant ideas. Make sure to address all aspects of the essay question in more depth and detail for a higher score.
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