IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people think today we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people
With the development of science and technology, more and more high-tech products have been invented to facilitate
people
's lives, in almost every aspect of life. Some
people
 think that
people
 need each other more in the present age, but others think that
people
 are becoming more independent. I agree with the latter view. From a technological perspective, one of the reasons
people
 are becoming more independent is that machines will help them solve most of the tasks in life and work without anyone else doing it for them.
This
 has led to
people
 working much less and becoming more accustomed to working independently rather than collaboratively.
For example
, for a mother who is a teacher, in the past, in order to take care of her children, the mother had to hire a babysitter or seek help from others, because she did not have enough energy to complete so much housework. But now, thanks to the invention of housework robots, parents are more independent in life.
Although
 some
people
also
 think that
people
 need each other more and more, because not everyone is good at doing everything,
for example
, it is necessary for a school to hire different teachers to teach different subjects,
such
 as math and Chinese. Indeed, for some special jobs, division of labour and cooperation is essential, but for more
people
, the benefits of independent work are far greater than cooperation, so
people
 are more inclined to choose to rely on their own.
This
 is because if
people
 rely on themselves when choosing to complete a task, they have more freedom to choose a solution to a problem and can save the time needed to communicate.
This
 will let workers save more time and energy and work more efficiently. In conclusion,
although
 more dependence on others may make
people
's choices in some fields, the various benefits of independence make
people
 prefer it.
Submitted by 269646099 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • transnational problems
  • climate change
  • ozone layer depletion
  • pollution
  • collaborative efforts
  • pooling of resources
  • expertise
  • technology
  • innovative solutions
  • international standards
  • race to the bottom
  • environmental standards
  • capacity
  • impacts
  • national sovereignty
  • independently
  • economic
  • social contexts
  • international consensus
  • legal
  • political systems
  • enforcement
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