IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that the death penalty can reduce crimes. Do you agree or disagree?

in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
 these recent days, people debate whether or not the
death
Use synonyms
penalty
Use synonyms
 has the power to decrease the proportion of crime in society
, to
Punctuation problem
. To
show examples
 be honest, I completely agree
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 belief, and
this
Linking Words
 essay will examine the reasons why
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 fully agree
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
firstly
Linking Words
, statistics show a daily rise in crimes
such
Linking Words
 as robbery, murder in a cold blood and so on, despite the efforts of the government to reduce it but, in vain,
in other words
Linking Words
, criminals nowadays have the courage to commit terrible acts because the jail is more comfortable than the streets,
moreover
Linking Words
, food availability, protection guarantee,
for instance
Linking Words
, and from my own experience, in my neighbourhood some young people steal to enter the jail in purpose, because they are jobless and can not finance their needs,
secondly
Linking Words
, the
penalty
Use synonyms
death
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of a prison cell is the one and the only solution to reduce the crime rate,
as well as
Linking Words
 frighten the criminals rather than encouraging them, based on the actual statistics the crime rate is significantly lower where the
penalty
Use synonyms
death
Use synonyms
 is applied,
such
Linking Words
 as Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, it happens to be the country where the criminal thinks thousand times before committing lawful acts,
otherwise
Linking Words
, his life could be on the edge, another example of Yemen, the rape abuse is considered as capital punishment, more severe law should be applied because murders tend to underestimate the consequences of the act,
Linking Words
to
Fix capitalization
To
show examples
 conclude, I fully agree that the
death
Use synonyms
penalty
Use synonyms
 can play a major role
to help
Change preposition
in helping
show examples
 the government tackle lawbreaking and criminality as soon as possible, and make attempted
murders
Replace the word
murderers
show examples
 reconsider their acts
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task response: keep a clear view and add more strong facts to back up the view.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: use clear link words and short sentences. Make a new idea in a new line or start a new sentence.
grammar
Grammar and word use: fix common errors like these days, the death penalty, capital punishment, thousand times. Use simple, correct forms.
strength
You show a clear view on the topic.
structure
Your essay has an easy, straight form: intro, body, and conclusion.
content
You give examples from life or land to show your point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: