IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's world,
money
Use synonyms
 is the most crucial factor when it comes to the survival and comfort of people. It is important for maintaining a particular lifestyle and status symbol within a community.
While
Linking Words
 it is believed that generosity has nothing to do with the finances of an individual, I still stand by the fact that wealthy people have more capability to help poor individuals.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the availability of funds leads to higher accessibility to various resources.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the
riches
Correct your spelling
rich
show examples
 can easily buy basic survival items like food, water and clothes without having scarcity for themselves.
For instance
Linking Words
, many rich celebrities travel to countries around the world where basic facilities like food, accommodation and medical services are not provided. They can only do so because they are financially very secure to serve mankind.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the hard reality is that individuals possessing a lot of
money
Use synonyms
 are respected and feared by society. On top of that, they usually have many connections with big politicians and government officers all over the world.
This
Linking Words
,
moreover
Linking Words
, gives them a higher status symbol in society and more chances to obtain other assets like information and technology.
For example
Linking Words
, a politician receiving funds can work more for the betterment of the nation than an ordinary individual. They can not only provide basic necessities but
also
Linking Words
 information, education and knowledge which are very powerful tools for survival.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
money
Use synonyms
 comes with a lot of power and responsibilities. It,
further
Linking Words
, comes with many chances to do charity work and to provide other facilities.
Hence
Linking Words
, the
riches
Correct your spelling
rich
show examples
 can take
this
Linking Words
 responsibility and fulfil it in a better way than people with no
money
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be further developed to provide a more thorough overview and summary of the main points.
task response
Good use of specific examples to support the points made in the essay. Ensure the ideas are fully developed and that the conclusion is a comprehensive summary of the essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: