In recent years sports stars have become increasingly famous and wealthy. For some this is a benefit, raising the profile of sports, but for others it is a negative influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays people who outperform in sports become famous and affluent making the industry wealthier

as well as

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more popular.

This

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changes peoples' attitudes towards everyday physical activities and evokes discussions on

this

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issue. Some people consider increased commercialisation as a benefit,

while

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others disagree.

This

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essay will discuss both points of view.

To begin

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with, sports stars form inspiring role models for the younger generation

In particular

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rising

Correct your spelling

raising

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the awareness of the essence of keeping fit and proper nutrition, which includes receiving desirable microelements, vitamins and a balanced diet as a whole ensuring the maintenance of immunity.

Additionally

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, physical exercise develops endurance and strength among the youth preventing some diseases

such

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as obesity.

For

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this

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reason, a healthier population and a longer life expectancy can be projected for the future.

However

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, the higher funding of the sports industry has some negative aspects,

for instance

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, people make bets on their favourite commands, but sometimes lose significant sums of money under illusions of previous success or fascinating advertisements.

Furthermore

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, some cases appeared when powerful individuals paid the athletes to have a failed round in the upcoming event, which contradicts the idea of the sport, where competition is believed to be fair.

Moreover

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, children do not understand plenty of

this

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and form wrong images and perspectives. In conclusion, the prosperity of the industry and the rise of sportsmen's welfare have various consequences. I advocate the position that commercialisation has more positive impacts on society than negative ones

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apply

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because it promotes a healthy lifestyle, which the younger generation often does not adhere to.

nastyarozenson.17Thu Apr 13 2023

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task response

Ensure that all points are clearly linked to the topic and maintain focus on the main idea throughout the essay.

coherence and cohesion

Introduce each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and ensure that ideas are logically ordered and linked together.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

259 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

high-profile
grassroots
advocacy
charity work
social causes
irresponsible behavior
negative influence
commercial interests
sporting spirit
profit-driven
individual star players
team achievements

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In recent years sports stars have become increasingly famous and wealthy. For some this is a benefit, raising the profile of sports, but for others it is a negative influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Your opinion

* In the future, nobody will buy printed newspapers or books because they will be able to read everything they want online without paying. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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