In recent years sports stars have become increasingly famous and wealthy. For some this is a benefit, raising the profile of sports, but for others it is a negative influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#years #sports #stars #benefit #profile #influence

Nowadays people who outperform in sports become famous and affluent making the industry wealthier

as well as

more popular.

This

changes peoples' attitudes towards everyday physical activities and evokes discussions on

this

issue. Some people consider increased commercialisation as a benefit,

while

others disagree.

This

essay will discuss both points of view.

To begin

with, sports stars form inspiring role models for the younger generation

In particular

rising

Correct your spelling

raising

show examples

the awareness of the essence of keeping fit and proper nutrition, which includes receiving desirable microelements, vitamins and a balanced diet as a whole ensuring the maintenance of immunity.

Additionally

, physical exercise develops endurance and strength among the youth preventing some diseases

such

as obesity.

For

this

reason, a healthier population and a longer life expectancy can be projected for the future.

However

, the higher funding of the sports industry has some negative aspects,

for instance

, people make bets on their favourite commands, but sometimes lose significant sums of money under illusions of previous success or fascinating advertisements.

Furthermore

, some cases appeared when powerful individuals paid the athletes to have a failed round in the upcoming event, which contradicts the idea of the sport, where competition is believed to be fair.

Moreover

, children do not understand plenty of

this

and form wrong images and perspectives. In conclusion, the prosperity of the industry and the rise of sportsmen's welfare have various consequences. I advocate the position that commercialisation has more positive impacts on society than negative ones

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because it promotes a healthy lifestyle, which the younger generation often does not adhere to.

Submitted by nastyarozenson.17 on Thu Apr 13 2023

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task response

Ensure that all points are clearly linked to the topic and maintain focus on the main idea throughout the essay.

coherence and cohesion

Introduce each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and ensure that ideas are logically ordered and linked together.

Your opinion

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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

259 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In recent years sports stars have become increasingly famous and wealthy. For some this is a benefit, raising the profile of sports, but for others it is a negative influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Your opinion

Modern technology is now very common in most work places. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology?

Woman and men are commonly seen as having different strength and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Housing shortage in big cities can cause severe social consequences. Some people think only government action can solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Research has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the same way as the advertising of cigarettes in some countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?