In recent years sports stars have become increasingly famous and wealthy. For some this is a benefit, raising the profile of sports, but for others it is a negative influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#years #sports #stars #benefit #profile #influence

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Nowadays people who outperform in sports become famous and affluent making the industry wealthier

as well as

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more popular.

This

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changes peoples' attitudes towards everyday physical activities and evokes discussions on

this

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issue. Some people consider increased commercialisation as a benefit,

while

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others disagree.

This

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essay will discuss both points of view.

To begin

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with, sports stars form inspiring role models for the younger generation

In particular

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rising

Correct your spelling

raising

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the awareness of the essence of keeping fit and proper nutrition, which includes receiving desirable microelements, vitamins and a balanced diet as a whole ensuring the maintenance of immunity.

Additionally

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, physical exercise develops endurance and strength among the youth preventing some diseases

such

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as obesity.

For

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this

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reason, a healthier population and a longer life expectancy can be projected for the future.

However

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, the higher funding of the sports industry has some negative aspects,

for instance

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, people make bets on their favourite commands, but sometimes lose significant sums of money under illusions of previous success or fascinating advertisements.

Furthermore

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, some cases appeared when powerful individuals paid the athletes to have a failed round in the upcoming event, which contradicts the idea of the sport, where competition is believed to be fair.

Moreover

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, children do not understand plenty of

this

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and form wrong images and perspectives. In conclusion, the prosperity of the industry and the rise of sportsmen's welfare have various consequences. I advocate the position that commercialisation has more positive impacts on society than negative ones

Remove the comma

apply

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because it promotes a healthy lifestyle, which the younger generation often does not adhere to.

Submitted by nastyarozenson.17 on Thu Apr 13 2023

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task response

Ensure that all points are clearly linked to the topic and maintain focus on the main idea throughout the essay.

coherence and cohesion

Introduce each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and ensure that ideas are logically ordered and linked together.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

259 words

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In recent years sports stars have become increasingly famous and wealthy. For some this is a benefit, raising the profile of sports, but for others it is a negative influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Your opinion

Compare and contrast the psychological effect of warm and cool colours, drawing on research and real-world observations.

In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extend do you agree or disagree ?

Describe a tourist attraction that very few people visit but you think is interesting. What/Where the place is? What people can see there? Why only very few people visit there? And explain why you think it is interesting?