IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

More and more wild animals are being kept in the zoo these days. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?

#animals #zoo #trend
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, a numerous number of wild
animals
Use synonyms
 have been living in cages
although
Linking Words
 their fundamental place is
large
Add an article
a large
show examples
 area,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some pros and cons. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will argue which side
be
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
havier
Correct your spelling
heavier
show examples
 than
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 side.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I will explain some
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 and why are being kept these
animals
Use synonyms
 in
Add an article
the
a
show examples
zoo
Fix the agreement mistake
zoos
show examples
. In the
last
Linking Words
 decade, wild
animals
Use synonyms
 have
being
Change the form of the verb
been
show examples
 brought from different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of countries ,
for example
Linking Words
, Africa, Mexico,
Vietnam
Correct word choice
and Vietnam
show examples
. In my opinion, in
zoos
Use synonyms
 people who are in charge of
care
Wrong verb form
caring
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 wild
animals
Use synonyms
 treat them badly,
Use synonyms
animals
Correct word choice
and animals
show examples
also
Linking Words
 have been living
dirty
Change preposition
in dirty
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
, in
this
Linking Words
 point of view, I do not agree that these magnificent creatures must hold in
this
Linking Words
 kind of terrible
Use synonyms
zoos
Fix the agreement mistake
zoo
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, wild
animals
Use synonyms
 are able to carry some sort of dangerous diseases and in
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
situation
Add a comma
,situation
show examples
 people are in danger.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 cages where the
animals
Use synonyms
are being hold
Change the verb form
are being held
are holding
show examples
, these are not doing enough to enhance their welfare.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there are several advantages
Change preposition
to kepting
show examples
kepting
Correct your spelling
keeping
 wild
animals
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
large
zoos
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, people easily can keep
touch
Change preposition
in touch
show examples
them
Change preposition
with them
show examples
,
as well as
Linking Words
 children are able to see them in real life which is one of the most exciting and interesting
activity
Change to a plural noun
activities
show examples
 all over the world.
In addition
Linking Words
, humans may be able to feed these creatures if it has been allowed.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some sort of
Use synonyms
animals
Change the noun form
animal
show examples
 generation is going to decrease and their name is placed Red Book
such
Linking Words
 as panda,
polar
Correct word choice
and polar
show examples
 bear. In
this
Linking Words
 respect, some governments especially China choose to solve reducing of panda generation. In conclusion, they gained
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
success in
this
Linking Words
 situation and their name
erase
Change the verb form
erases
show examples
 from Red Book.
Moreover
Linking Words
, one advantage in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
zoos
Use synonyms
 is that they protect
animals
Use synonyms
 from starvation, predators,
habitat
Correct word choice
and habitat
show examples
 loss. In
addionally
Correct your spelling
additionally
, breeding programs is another
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 for endangered species and they bring these species from wild habitat into
safety
Replace the word
safe
show examples
 places.
To conclude
Linking Words
, there are a lot of pros and cons
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 most important for each part. I explained both of
parts
Correct article usage
the parts
show examples
 which is really necessary and in my point of
Correct your spelling
view
veiw
Add a comma
,veiw
show examples
 both
part
Change to a plural noun
parts
show examples
 have
outweigh
Change the verb form
outweighed
show examples
 to
another
Correct pronoun usage
other
show examples
.
Submitted by sadiqlisara95 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: