IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Government should lower the budget on the arts to allocate more money to education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #budget #arts #money #education
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a concept that government should give some proportion of money to
education
Use synonyms
 which goes to
art
Use synonyms
. To improve the
education
Use synonyms
 system for the young generation. I partially agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
education
Use synonyms
 is more important than
art
Use synonyms
however
Linking Words
, I believe it should be done
in particular
Linking Words
 developing
countries
Use synonyms
. To commence with, some think governments should decrease the amount of money which goes to are and add that proportion to the budget for schooling.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 is more important for
countries
Use synonyms
 and their citizens to develop. giving more capital to
education
Use synonyms
countries
Use synonyms
 could climb higher position at a global rate, and in developed,
countries
Use synonyms
 the living condition is more reliable in comparison with those underdeveloping.
secondly
Linking Words
, it is highly possible that in the
fields
Use synonyms
 of
art
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as music and movies corruption could thrive which means a proportion of money would be spent meaninglessly. Because in
this
Linking Words
 field many things are assessed by humans, it is really hard to know what is going on in their insight.
For example
Linking Words
, in Uzbekistan, almost all exams can be observed except in the field of
art
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 concept is not appropriate for many Western societies which stay in higher positions in
education
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, They have enough budget to contribute to both
fields
Use synonyms
 and it would be not meant for them to decrease the amount of focus on
art
Use synonyms
. They have enough improvement in the
fields
Use synonyms
 of
art
Use synonyms
 and
therefore
Linking Words
 they should work on the behaviours of their citizens by giving more attention to are and cultural things.
To conclude
Linking Words
, giving more attention to
education
Use synonyms
 and decreasing the amount of budget for craft would help underdeveloped counties,
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 concept is not amenable to all
countries
Use synonyms
 because of their wealth in literacy and
as well as
Linking Words
 other
fields
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by bexzodraxmatillayev2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: