IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that it is a good idea that older people continue to work if it is possible for them to do. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #idea #work
Majority
Add an article
The majority
show examples
 are of the opinion that elderly individuals should continue to be in
service
 so far
they
Correct word choice
as they
show examples
 have the ability. I strongly agree with
this
 as it will provide them
continuous
Change preposition
with continuous
show examples
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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 to relate with people
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and reduce
risk
Correct article usage
the risk
show examples
 of depression. I will explain
this
further
 with good examples and give a logical conclusion. Senior citizens should be allowed to keep their jobs if they are capable because rendering one or two services bring about social interaction.
While
 rendering a
service
 an aged individual
communicate
Correct subject-verb agreement
communicates
show examples
  and there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
feedback, some clients met during
this
 process tends to like them and they can from there become friends.
For example
, a grandmother in the United State found her new intimate friend that she usually spend quality time
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
during her course of
service
,
hence
, rendering
service
 is beneficial.
Moreover
, being in
service
 lower
risk
Correct article usage
the risk
show examples
 of depression among aged citizens. Elders are prone to depression
due to
 the process of
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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as a result
 of
decline
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the decline
a decline
show examples
 in the activities of some hormones within human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 when they are inactive. When an elderly man or woman is busy with activity,there will be no room for loneliness  which can give rise to
medical
Add an article
a medical
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 a 
sixty year
Add a hyphen
sixty-year
show examples
 man who is always involved in
lecturing
Correct article usage
a lecturing
show examples
 job, preparing for his classes,won't have time to think excessively or be depressed,
thus
, being active is important. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that taking part in
daily
Add an article
a daily
the daily
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 activity at
place
Add an article
the place
show examples
 of work if
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 strength is there for
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 should continue because it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 them to continue to be involved in
happenings
Correct article usage
the happenings
show examples
 around and
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
 of  depressed citizens will reduce.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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