IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that it is a good idea that older people continue to work if it is possible for them to do. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #idea #work
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Majority
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The majority
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 are of the opinion that elderly individuals should continue to be in
service
Use synonyms
 so far
they
Correct word choice
as they
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 have the ability. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 as it will provide them
continuous
Change preposition
with continuous
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opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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 to relate with people
of
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society and reduce
risk
Correct article usage
the risk
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 of depression. I will explain
this
Linking Words
further
Linking Words
 with good examples and give a logical conclusion. Senior citizens should be allowed to keep their jobs if they are capable because rendering one or two services bring about social interaction.
While
Linking Words
 rendering a
service
Use synonyms
 an aged individual
communicate
Correct subject-verb agreement
communicates
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  and there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
feedback, some clients met during
this
Linking Words
 process tends to like them and they can from there become friends.
For example
Linking Words
, a grandmother in the United State found her new intimate friend that she usually spend quality time
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
during her course of
service
Use synonyms
,
hence
Linking Words
, rendering
service
Use synonyms
 is beneficial.
Moreover
Linking Words
, being in
service
Use synonyms
 lower
risk
Correct article usage
the risk
show examples
 of depression among aged citizens. Elders are prone to depression
due to
Linking Words
 the process of
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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as a result
Linking Words
 of
decline
Add an article
the decline
a decline
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 in the activities of some hormones within human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
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 when they are inactive. When an elderly man or woman is busy with activity,there will be no room for loneliness  which can give rise to
medical
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a medical
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
For
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example
Add a comma
,example
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 a 
sixty year
Add a hyphen
sixty-year
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 man who is always involved in
lecturing
Correct article usage
a lecturing
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 job, preparing for his classes,won't have time to think excessively or be depressed,
thus
Linking Words
, being active is important. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 believe that taking part in
daily
Add an article
a daily
the daily
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 activity at
place
Add an article
the place
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 of work if
there
Replace the word
their
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 strength is there for
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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 should continue because it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 them to continue to be involved in
happenings
Correct article usage
the happenings
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 around and
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
 of  depressed citizens will reduce.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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