IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people believe that it is a good idea that older people continue to work if it is possible for them to do. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #idea #work
Majority
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The majority
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 are of the opinion that elderly individuals should continue to be in
service
 so far
they
Correct word choice
as they
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 have the ability. I strongly agree with
this
 as it will provide them
continuous
Change preposition
with continuous
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opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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 to relate with people
of
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society and reduce
risk
Correct article usage
the risk
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 of depression. I will explain
this
further
 with good examples and give a logical conclusion. Senior citizens should be allowed to keep their jobs if they are capable because rendering one or two services bring about social interaction.
While
 rendering a
service
 an aged individual
communicate
Correct subject-verb agreement
communicates
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  and there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
feedback, some clients met during
this
 process tends to like them and they can from there become friends.
For example
, a grandmother in the United State found her new intimate friend that she usually spend quality time
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
during her course of
service
,
hence
, rendering
service
 is beneficial.
Moreover
, being in
service
 lower
risk
Correct article usage
the risk
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 of depression among aged citizens. Elders are prone to depression
due to
 the process of
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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as a result
 of
decline
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the decline
a decline
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 in the activities of some hormones within human
being
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beings
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 when they are inactive. When an elderly man or woman is busy with activity,there will be no room for loneliness  which can give rise to
medical
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a medical
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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.
For
example
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,example
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 a 
sixty year
Add a hyphen
sixty-year
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 man who is always involved in
lecturing
Correct article usage
a lecturing
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 job, preparing for his classes,won't have time to think excessively or be depressed,
thus
, being active is important. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 believe that taking part in
daily
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a daily
the daily
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 activity at
place
Add an article
the place
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 of work if
there
Replace the word
their
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 strength is there for
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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 should continue because it
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 them to continue to be involved in
happenings
Correct article usage
the happenings
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 around and
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
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 of  depressed citizens will reduce.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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