IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Do you agree or disagree? Grades encourage students to learn. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

#grades #students #support
When it comes to studying, we all know that examinations are inevitable throughout one's academic journey. It is said that the outcome of these tests spur pupils to study. In
this
 essay, I will delve into why I agree to a certain extent with the above statement,
along with
 supporting explanations.
To begin
, no matter which level of the academic pyramid, there are always examinations, tests and all sorts of assessments in school which come with an eventual score. These
grades
, more often than not, determine the standing of the learner. To some of the learners, these outcomes do not matter to them and take the eventual result pretty well, as they work towards becoming better when they realise their mistakes. Some schools are
also
 known to ramp up supplementary lessons after major assessments to aid students for their next test.
For example
, in Singapore, there are schools that conduct additional classes during semestral breaks in an attempt to help drive their
grades
 up.
On the other hand
, students who had done poorly in those tests would have taken a hit in their confidence level. Seeing how their counterparts beaming from chin to chin would definitely make them feel small about themselves. Some pupils will pick themselves up and dust themselves off before working back up the ladder
whereas
 some will downright give up learning
due to
 constant failure. As
such
,
this
 is how depression develops over time as sadness accumulates.
For instance
, it is reported that a handful of students in an elite school in China, left their studying institution
due to
 poor
grades
 and in hopes of preserving their mental wellness. To end, it is no doubt that
grades
 can help a student in their learning journey
however
 sometimes they are
also
 the cause for conditions
such
 as depression. Schools should remind their learners that
grades
 are just a guide and do not define one's journey in life.
Submitted by chubbybunny on

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coherence cohesion
While your essay presents a clear argument and effectively discusses the topic, consider varying your sentence structures for enhanced readability.
task achievement
Ensure a balance in the exploration of both perspectives. While the essay does well to discuss the impact of grades, adding more on how they encourage learning specifically could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure, including the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, is logically organized and easy to follow.
task achievement
You've provided specific examples, such as the supplementary lessons in Singapore and the situation in an elite school in China, which effectively support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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