IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

#time #population #countries #adults #people
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There is an increase in the population of most
countries
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 these days. In most
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countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
 The percentage of
youth
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outnumber
Correct subject-verb agreement
outnumbers
show examples
 that of old
people
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.
Although
Linking Words
 there are downsides,
this
Linking Words
 essay argues that the advantages are stronger as the
youth
Use synonyms
 constitutes a large number of the
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countries
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 workforce and
also
Linking Words
 the
youth
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being
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 more
technology
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 oriented.
Firstly
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, one benefit Is the
youth
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 makes up a greater part of a
Use synonyms
countries
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 workforce. Young
people
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 are more energetic compared to older
people
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.
This
Linking Words
 makes them able to work more and produce more and better quality
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
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 compared to the old.
For example
Linking Words
, most employers these days prefer to work with young
people
Use synonyms
old
Correct word choice
and old
show examples
people
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 because they believe young
people
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, in terms of physical
appearance
Add the comma(s)
,appearance
show examples
 are
more fit
Replace the words
fitter
show examples
 and more active,
any
Change preposition
in any
show examples
 kind of labour. It is
also
Linking Words
 believed that the
youth
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 is
also
Linking Words
mentally
Correct quantifier usage
more mentally
show examples
 active than the old.
This
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 makes the
youth
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 a great asset to many
countries
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.
Secondly
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, looking at the rates at which
technology
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 is
taken
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 over the world in all aspects, the
youth
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 are able to merge and
coperate
Correct your spelling
operate
corporate
cooperate
 faster and easier compared to old
people
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. Most old
people
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 find it difficult
adapting
Change the verb form
to adapt
show examples
 to the use of new
technology
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.
This
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 gives they use
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 upper hand and benefits a country more. New software
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 introduced in organizations for better work outcome.
They
Correct your spelling
The
show examples
youth
Use synonyms
 is able to learn faster and incorporate it into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
daily living. Old
people
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 tend to be slow learners.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, old
people
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also
Linking Words
 play important roles in the country.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
 the community or home level, old
people
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 help to
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
, good morals and discipline in the
youth
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. Old
people
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also
Linking Words
 help in switching to
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 the customs and traditions of their community and country as a whole. The absence of old
people
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 live young adults, ignorant of their cultures and beliefs.
To sum up
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,I believe the usefulness of the
youth
Use synonyms
been
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 a larger part of a country’s population trumps the downsides as the
youth
Use synonyms
 plays a better
roles
Correct the article-noun agreement
role
show examples
 in terms of a
Use synonyms
countries
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 workforce and the
youth
Use synonyms
 being
technology
Use synonyms
 oriented.
Submitted by fremaadjei18 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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