IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #lifestyle #illness #treatment #people
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It is a common belief that spending public
money
 on making a healthy lifestyle is more crucial to preventing disease than spending it on the
treatment
 of
people
 having illnesses. In my opinion, I partially agree with
this
 opinion because not only encouraging
people
 to have healthy lifestyles but
also
 the
treatment
 of
patients
 is important equally.
To begin
 with, These days, the number of illnesses increasing
such
 as obesity, diabetes, stroke and many more,
Furthermore
, it has become a serious problem in our society. In order to solve it, the government has to spend public
money
 on promoting a healthy lifestyle.
For instance
, the authorities can establish campaigns related to preventing illness
such
 as promoting healthcare education, making online content and supporting sports programs. they will encourage
people
 to have healthy lifestyles.
Moreover
, It will eventually be able to reduce numerous illnesses in modern society.
However
, It is
also
 significant to treat
people
 who are already sick.
This
 is because
patients
 deserve to get treatments properly from the government. Actually, whether
people
 are ill or not, everyone pays taxes to the government regularly. So,
patients
 have to get health care from the country and the authorities have to spend public
money
 in an appropriate way.
This
 means they must expend public
money
 on the
treatment
 of
people
 who are already ill including preventing disease.
To sum up
,
although
 hindering illness is largely essential because it can reduce a substantial amount of disease in society,
treatment
Correct article usage
the treatment
show examples
 of
patients
also
 is equally crucial since they have proper
health-care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
 rights.
Submitted by lym1049 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive measures
  • chronic diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • public health campaigns
  • lifestyle-related illnesses
  • quality of life
  • health-conscious society
  • allocate funds
  • balanced healthcare system
  • comprehensive healthcare strategy
What to do next:
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