It is impossible to help all the people in the world who are in need, so governments should focus on people from their own country. To what extent do you agree of disagree?

#people #world #governments #focus #country

Some argue that helping deprived nations is not necessary because helping everyone in the world is unrealistic,

thus

the government should only prioritize its citizens.

This

essay completely disagrees with

this

statement because being selfish can reduce economic growth and hinder innovation.

To begin

with, focusing on their own nation can limit the growth of their economy.

This

can discourage foreign investors from investing

This

is disadvantageous especially in developing countries because they do not have access to quality education and the job opportunities are low.

However

, giving aid to others can strengthen the connection between nations, which can lead to investments.

For instance

, the investments of the US companies in the Philippines have employed a significant number of Filipinos.

Thus

, being selfish will not help the economy to grow.

In addition

to that, isolating the country can decrease innovations. The innovations in today's world are usually a contribution from different people around the globe.

For instance

, the first computer was developed by an English mathematician. Through shared knowledge and ideas between other people, the computer became the greatest invention of all time.

However

, if one nation is not open to others,

this

can hinder them from adopting new and advanced technologies.

This

proves that being open to other

nation

Fix the agreement mistake

nations

show examples

can bring significant benefits.

While

focusing only on one's country can be beneficial, international collaboration contributes more to a richer economy and it can help improve technology.

Thus

, I believe that the disadvantages of not helping others are greater than its advantages.

Submitted by yoko.onerom on Mon Mar 04 2024

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task response

Expand your introduction by adding a thesis statement that clearly outlines the main points you will discuss. This sets a clearer roadmap for your essay.

task response

Incorporate more specific examples and data to strengthen your argument. While you provided examples, adding details like statistical data or specific outcomes of investments could make your argument more convincing.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure logical flow between paragraphs by using a wider variety of transition words and phrases. While your essay generally has a good structure, enhancing transitions can make the progression of ideas smoother.

coherence and cohesion

Try to construct more complex sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency. While your sentences are clear, using a mix of complex and simple sentences can improve the overall quality of your writing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

252 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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It is impossible to help all the people in the world who are in need, so governments should focus on people from their own country. To what extent do you agree of disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

These days, cell (mobile) phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

nuclear power is far too dangerous, therefore, countries should ban its use and concentrate instead on developing alternative sources such as hydroelectric power and solar energy.to what extent do you agree.

Today, thanks to improvements in communication technology and transportation, people can work and live wherever they want. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Serious violent crimes among people who are under-18 are becoming more common. Some people think that children who commit serious crimes should be treated like adults, while others would say that they should be rehabilitated. Discuss both views and give your opinion!