IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that technological advances in healthcare have made medical treatment more accessible to people living in remote areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Owing to the necessity of appointment commitments, there is no doubt that ensuring accessibility for
patients
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 who live in rural areas is crucial for better health care
services
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 provided. It is a commonly held belief that technological development has a positive impact on promoting medical treatment being given to people who live in remote areas.
However
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, there is
also
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 an opposing argument suggesting that most of these people lack good network signals for accessibility. In my opinion,
i
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I
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 consider that high technological advancement in healthcare service pursuites patient safety concerns significantly.
To begin
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 with, it is widely known the innovation of technology resolved a variety of challenges for
patients
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 who lived far from the city.
In other words
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, online App
services
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 made the prescribed medication more achievable and attainable.
For example
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, the known app used in Saudi Arabia is called Sehhaty, It is an app that offers a wide range of healthcare
services
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,
such
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 as booking hospital locations, online appointment schedules, attaining the prescribed medication from the pharmacy, and even follow-up with doctors. Another point to consider, most of these
patients
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 are facing challenges in getting these
services
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, it is
also
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 possible to say that remote areas have weak network signals which may negatively impact their prescription and worsen the case prognosis.
Additionally
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, the lack of experience
of
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in
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 using healthcare apps may cause inappropriate usage and make the attainable service harder.
For instance
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, the patient who cancelled the prescribed medication button by mistake can adversely affect the treatment plan goals. In conclusion, despite people having different views. I strongly agree that the benefits of the high-tech revolution appearing in hospital
services
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 and satisfying
patients
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' concerns when used appropriately to enhance the quality of
services
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 and relieve the congestion loads in hospitals and doctors.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction presents the topic well, but consider clearly stating your position on the issue. A more explicit thesis statement could enhance clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
While you provide solid points, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, and introduce topics in a more structured way to improve coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
There are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing throughout the essay. Proofreading for language accuracy will improve your score.
Task Achievement
You successfully provided relevant examples to support your arguments, particularly the healthcare app in Saudi Arabia, which adds credibility to your response.
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