IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that it is important to spend a lot of money on family celebrations. While others think it is a waste of money. Discuss both views

#people #money #celebrations #waste
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Nowadays, individuals feel it is necessary for members of a family to lavish their income on family celebrations and some others think it's a waste of resources.
This
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 essay will discuss more on both views and elaborate on a view with a reasonable conclusion.
Firstly
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, it is good to spend on
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
 party especially when there is an event
that is
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 usually celebrated once in a lifetime
such
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 as wedding
ceremonies
Fix the agreement mistake
ceremony
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.
People
Use synonyms
 believe that wedding
parties
Use synonyms
 come once in a lifetime and if not well celebrated now, they will have no other opportunity to do so later in the future, so in a bid to make the family happy, they spend
every
Change the determiner
every one
each
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of their earnings
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
last
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 on
such
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 party.
In addition
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 to that, a pregnant woman who has waited for years before giving birth to a child will
also
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 plan a very elaborate celebration for the entire family and friends because it is seen as a way of appreciating God for the miracle.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 see spending extravagantly on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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home
parties
Use synonyms
 as
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
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 because some get themselves involved in loans and even empty their bank savings in other to make their
parties
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 elaborate.
Also
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,
people
Use synonyms
spends
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 all their earnings on
parties
Use synonyms
 just because they want to show off their wealth or probably because they don't want to be seen as being a poor fellow, so they do everything in their power to make their celebration a talk-of-town affair.
For instance
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, a person who loves attending friends'
parties
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such
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 as wedding ceremonies to see how the couples are dressed, the hall used and how the guests are being taken care of, would want to do the same during her own
also
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, not minding if
people
Use synonyms
 she wants to follow after, has the capacity or not and after the whole funfair, they now go back to the repayment of loans which might even cause troubles in their home as the amount that would be earned
at the end
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 of the month might not be enough to sustain the family. In conclusion, overspending on family celebrations is not a good idea because there are other better things the money can be channelled into which will
also
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 benefit the family positively rather than doing things to please the masses by feeding them during funfair activities.
Submitted by oludayotemilade on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cherish
  • nurture
  • strengthen
  • bond
  • create memories
  • enjoyment
  • sense of belonging
  • reconnect
  • unite
  • traditions
  • create traditions
  • financial burden
  • priorities
  • moderation
  • budget
  • frugal
  • extravagant
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