When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their time in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is commonly believed that it is more crucial to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centres. I strongly agree with the statement and the reasons will be explained in the essay.
To begin
with, it might be sensible for some to believe that the shopping zone is significant. This
is possibly because it is the place that sells several things. For example
,food, citizens visit this
place to buy their meals. Moreover
, this
creates income for inhabitants because they can work as a seller. Due to
this
, the amount of money in the town is increased.
In my perspective, those places should be focusing
later, sports facilities and parks are the things that we should attend to when we plan to build a new town, seeing that Wrong verb form
focused on
this
has various benefits. Firstly
, this
encourages citizens of every age to exercise as there are many activities for them to do, for instance
, teenagers playing football with their friends, and adults running or jogging. Moreover
, this
place can enhance relationships in the family. To illustrate, kids have a picnic with their parents on the weekend. Accordingly
, these can help those people to release stress and to become stronger, therefore
, these are reasons why these places are crucial for people in the community.
In conclusion, although
it is undeniable that shopping centres are important since it is can create jobs for individuals, I am of the opinion that parks are also
essential as the reason that people can do various activities in this
area and that helps them have good physical and mental health.Submitted by nuchnapa.anna on
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coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be more developed to provide a clear overview and summary of your position and main points. Make sure to include a thesis statement in your introduction that clearly outlines your opinion on the topic.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by stating your opinion clearly and providing relevant reasons for your position. However, the essay would benefit from a more thorough exploration of the topic, with a more balanced consideration of opposing views.