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Band 6

In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices, and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?

#cities #planners #shops #schools #offices #homes #areas #policy
In
this
 day and age, many strategists plan to serve shops, schools and homes in characteristic zones and keep them separated from each other.
This
 writer argues that the benefits of convenience and variation of
products
 outweigh the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
 of far
distance
. The most advantageous factor of putting all stores or departments together is that it is very convenient.
In other words
, residents can buy
products
 or use facilities at the same time by its near
distance
. If they do not use up the
products
 or food, they will go again and buy for
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
 in a long time. Taking Vinhomes in Vietnam as an example, there are different buildings or stores for distinctive purposes and it becomes really convenient for
citizens
.
Thus
this
 plan plays an important role in gaining convenience for civilians. Variations of
products
 and facilities must
also
 be considered. It must be recognized that
citizens
 have plenty of choices for any purpose.
As a result
,
citizens
 have a better spiritual life and more choices in life.
Moreover
, finding out for themselves which product or brand is the most suitable and best.
However
,
this
 is a real disadvantage for
citizens
 whose homes are far from these areas. To be more specific, they need to spend more money and time on reaching these areas.
This
 may be true, but there are many ways to solve
this
 problem, which are asking acquaintances nearby to buy
products
 or buy them in bulk for long-term
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
.
Therefore
,
distance
 is not a big problem with arranging utilities and buildings in each area. In conclusion, the cons of far
distance
 is outweighed by the convenience and variations of choices.
Hence
,
this
 policy should be applied in the near future.
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task achievement
Expand on your examples and ensure they are well-integrated into your argument. For instance, your mention of Vinhomes in Vietnam could benefit from more elaboration on how exactly this layout improves residents' lives.
coherence cohesion
Try to incorporate a few more cohesive devices to enhance the fluidity of your essay. Phrases like 'In addition', 'Furthermore', or 'On the other hand' can guide the reader through your points smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Sometimes there are small inaccuracies in grammar and word choice (e.g., 'for long-term using' should be 'for long-term use'). Proofreading for such errors can significantly improve your writing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively outline your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are logically ordered, making it easy to follow your argument.
task achievement
Your writing displays a good understanding of the task and presents a well-rounded response with both advantages and disadvantages considered.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Segregation
  • Urban areas
  • Residential
  • Commercial
  • Industrial
  • Systematic development
  • Amenity provision
  • Urban management
  • Pollution
  • Quality of life
  • Transportation costs
  • Environmental impact
  • Social segregation
  • Amenities
  • Services
  • Income neighborhoods
  • Vibrant
  • Accessible
  • Travel times
  • Social interaction
  • Mixed-use developments
  • Sustainable urban planning
  • Walking
  • Cycling
  • Public transport
  • Urban sprawl
  • Green spaces
  • Agricultural land
  • Biodiversity
  • Business hubs
  • Investments
  • Employment opportunities
  • Economic growth
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