IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many famous athletes advertise different products. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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A considerable number of sportsmen these days have contracts with different companies to advertise their products. In my opinion, I consider that advertising products
brings
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bring
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 more advantages for
athletes
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 compared to any problems it might cause. Despite the drawbacks below, I believe the benefits gained by
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athletes
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athletes'
athlete's
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 advertising goods are extremely useful for their training.
Firstly
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, sportsmen can earn enough money to pay for their
equipment
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. The better the
equipment
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, the more expensive it is. By using high-quality
equipment
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,
athletes
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 can deliver their best performance during competitions.
Secondly
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,
athletes
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 can make their free
time
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 more enjoyable by engaging in advertising activities. Take Chinese table tennis player Sun Yingsha,
for instance
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, who takes on advertising jobs to relieve stress. She believes that when she is involved in advertising, she can step away from sports and allow her mind to relax. Admittedly, there are some issues involved when sportsmen advertise goods. One problem is that it might reduce their training
time
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.
For example
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, many Chinese football players spend too much
time
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 on advertising, which leads to less
time
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 for practice.
As a result
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, they do not perform well during events. Another issue is that
athletes
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 may lose their private
time
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. It can interfere with their relaxation, especially for those who are shy and prefer to enjoy
time
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 alone. Excessive advertising commitments can take away their personal space.
To sum up
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, advertising products not only allows
athletes
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 to earn enough money to afford quality
equipment
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 but
also
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 makes their lives more enjoyable. These benefits clearly outweigh any drawbacks.

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task achievement
Consider providing an example of an athlete whose advertising has negatively impacted their training or reputation to create a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
You may want to enhance transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow and readability. For instance, using linking phrases can improve the overall coherence.
task achievement
Expand on your points about how advertising can impede training and relaxation. More depth can strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and maintains a relevant focus throughout, addressing the question effectively.
task achievement
Your examples of Chinese athletes provide a relevant context, which supports your arguments well.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is generally well-organized with distinct paragraphs for different ideas.
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