The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved, Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum

The

issue

of being overweight has become a controversial topic in

this

century.

Hence

, some

people

believe that

this

issue

puts a huge financial burden on healthcare organizations. It is widely accepted that physical

education

can tackle the

issue

. Personally, I agree with the second group. In the following paragraphs, my points of view will be explained in detail. First and foremost, no one can ever deny the gravity of

obesity

in our life. On the one hand, there is a growing tendency among young

people

to eat fast food.

Hence

, the majority of

people

are prone to

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

many types of diseases.

For instance

obesity

, high blood pressure and so on so forth.

In addition

according to

the latest figures released by WHO, the rate of

obesity

in cities is sharply increasing which is related to a hectic lifestyle.

In other words

, most

people

in terms of inactivity and eating inappropriate food like junk food are likely to be overweight. From

this

perspective, those

people

have imposed a financial burden on

health care

Correct your spelling

healthcare

show examples

systems. Some might believe that physical

education

in schools can tackle the

issue

Furthermore

this

attitude might contribute to reducing the rate of

obesity

in society. Meanwhile, government authorities usually resolve the

issue

by making policies in

education

Add an article

the education

show examples

system. To put it more simply, they are trying to add more and more sports lessons to school curricula to control and prevent many disorders like

obesity

. To summarize, I feel in

this

century it is generally believed that more exercise has a significant role in our life. To clarify more, physical

education

lessons in schools can contribute to having a healthier society.

Submitted by kambiz.pirzad on Sat May 20 2023

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

275 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity rates
health care system
physical education
instill
long term
raise awareness
healthier lifestyle choices
nutritional education
active transport
quality of instruction
facilities and equipment
diet control initiatives
community sports programs

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: Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the punishment. Why are this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activitiy of young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some people think government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help prevent illness and diseas. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity. How far do you share this viewpoint?

In some countries ,children have very strict rule of behavior,while in other countries they are allowed to do anything they want .to what extent children have to follow rules? Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples .