The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved, Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum

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The

issue

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of being overweight has become a controversial topic in

this

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century.

Hence

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, some

people

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believe that

this

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issue

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puts a huge financial burden on healthcare organizations. It is widely accepted that physical

education

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can tackle the

issue

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. Personally, I agree with the second group. In the following paragraphs, my points of view will be explained in detail. First and foremost, no one can ever deny the gravity of

obesity

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in our life. On the one hand, there is a growing tendency among young

people

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to eat fast food.

Hence

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, the majority of

people

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are prone to

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

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many types of diseases.

For instance

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obesity

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, high blood pressure and so on so forth.

In addition

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according to

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the latest figures released by WHO, the rate of

obesity

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in cities is sharply increasing which is related to a hectic lifestyle.

In other words

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, most

people

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in terms of inactivity and eating inappropriate food like junk food are likely to be overweight. From

this

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perspective, those

people

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have imposed a financial burden on

health care

Correct your spelling

healthcare

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systems. Some might believe that physical

education

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in schools can tackle the

issue

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Furthermore

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this

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attitude might contribute to reducing the rate of

obesity

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in society. Meanwhile, government authorities usually resolve the

issue

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by making policies in

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education

Add an article

the education

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system. To put it more simply, they are trying to add more and more sports lessons to school curricula to control and prevent many disorders like

obesity

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. To summarize, I feel in

this

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century it is generally believed that more exercise has a significant role in our life. To clarify more, physical

education

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lessons in schools can contribute to having a healthier society.

Submitted by kambiz.pirzad on Sat May 20 2023

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

275 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity rates
health care system
physical education
instill
long term
raise awareness
healthier lifestyle choices
nutritional education
active transport
quality of instruction
facilities and equipment
diet control initiatives
community sports programs

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