IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Today, most people are suffering from stress. What are the causes? What solutions can be offer?

#people #stress #offer
In the modern era, most individuals are facing problems related to their
health
 owing to less
time
 they have for themselves. In fact, stress has become a common issue among many folks. There are certain reasons behind
this
 situation and I will mention some solutions to tackle it in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with, the
first
 and foremost reason is being materialistic.
For instance
, most of the
time
 is spent at workplaces to earn more
money
 and some individuals prefer to work overtime because they intend to invest
money
 to purchase things for the house
such
 as furniture and appliances.
As a result
, they are unable to spend some
time
 with their family and working all day makes them more exhausted as they have to do household chores as well. In fact, sometimes they are unable to
parpare
Correct your spelling
prepare
 food at home which enables them to buy from fast food restaurants. Since they eat junk food which makes them physically unfit , it leads
depression
Change preposition
to depression
show examples
.
However
, there are some solutions to shot out
this
 issue.
First
 of all, people should change their mentality.
Instead
 of focusing on earning more
money
, people should remember that
health
 should be their
first
 priority.
Furthermore
, they should utilize some
time
 for exercise as it will help them to feel relaxed and active all day.
Additionally
, some
time
 can be used to go out with loved ones for fun as it would decrease their tensions. In conclusion,
although
 there are certain causes behind
this
, the above-mentioned suggestions can be useful if implemented. Even though making
money
 in today's world is
also
 important,
first
Add an article
the first
show examples
 priority should be one's
health
 as
health
 is wealth.
Submitted by simranjot0002 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to include more specific examples and details to support your points, especially in the `causes` section. For instance, when discussing materialism, you can provide statistics or more real-world examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs and within paragraphs. Use more linking words to enhance the connectivity of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Consider more diverse vocabulary and complex sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion.
complete response
The essay successfully identifies stress as a modern problem and offers both causes and solutions.
logical structure
There is a logical progression of ideas, and the reader can follow the argument easily.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: