IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

More and more people want to buy clothes, cars, and other items from famous brands. What are the reasons? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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People
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’s obsession with brands has increased more in recent times. The majority of
people
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 want to buy branded
items
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such
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 as clothes, cars, and other
items
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 to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
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 their desires. I believe it is a negative development for society as it could increase the financial burden and negatively affect our
environment
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. Observing others owning luxury materialistic things can put negative pressure on those who cannot afford them.
This
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 means that middle-class and low-class individuals, who live in rented houses and only have a basic salary to buy basic
items
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 like food, clothing, and water, can develop
Correct article usage
a desires
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desires
Fix the agreement mistake
desire
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 to buy the same
items
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 that richer
people
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 can easily afford.
As a result
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,
this
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 can easily put a financial burden on them, which could affect their
overall
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 health.
For instance
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, my friend Atul, who works in a corporate office and earns only $2,000 per month, wishes to own a car worth $40,000 just because his colleague has bought one.
Therefore
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, the race to own branded
items
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 by affluent folks negatively influences
people
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 with basic pay, resulting in financial debt and mental pressure if they fail to pay the asked price.
On the other hand
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, the production of branded clothing and other
items
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 damages our
environment
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.
This
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 is to say, the consumption of branded
items
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 leads to
over-manufacture
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over-manufacturing
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 by companies for their consumers, which accumulates more waste in our
environment
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 as it doesn’t decompose easily.
For example
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, the clothing brand H&M produces more than a million clothes a year for its customers, and not all products are bought by
people
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. The remaining ones are often burned, which pollutes our
environment
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.
Therefore
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, greater use of branded
items
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 has a negative impact on our nature as well. In conclusion, the use of branded
items
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 definitely has a negative impact on both our health and the
environment
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. Measures to effectively reduce their consumption and production should be implemented.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a thoughtful discussion of the negative impacts of people's obsession with branded items. However, consider expanding on why some people might see this as a positive trend to address both sides of the topic more comprehensively.
task achievement
Ensure all examples directly support your points. For instance, explain more clearly how the financial burden can impact broader social issues or personal well-being.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally clear and easy to follow, make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Additionally, further develop some arguments to enhance clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which frame your arguments effectively.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported with examples, making your argument persuasive.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is strong, leading the reader through your points in a coherent manner.
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