Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Many people think that parents should allow their

children

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to make

decisions

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on everything,

such

Linking Words

as food, clothes and entertainment. But

this

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makes them only think about themselves and it has an effect on society which leads to them thinking just about themselves. Other people say that it is vital for

children

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to make

decisions

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about issues that affect their

life

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, namely choosing a major university. The subjects that

children

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should make their own

decisions

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have some negative impact on their lives. The main disadvantage is that

children

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brain

Fix the agreement mistake

brains

show examples

not

Add a missing verb

do not

show examples

grow enough to make some

decisions

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also

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they cannot decide what is good for them and what is not.

For example

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, as we know fast food is one of the most delicious foods, and almost all people love it. But fast food does not have any healthy ingredients. So, if

children

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eat it every day, it is highly likely that it will cause serious bad effects namely, obesity and high blood pressure.

Therefore

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, it is not

good

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a good

show examples

idea to allow

children

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to make every

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decisions

Change to a singular noun

decision

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that they want.

On the other hand

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, parents should allow

children

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to make important

decisions

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in their

life

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This

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makes

children

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more independent and

learn

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learns

show examples

to take responsibility for their choices.

For instance

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, one of

them

Correct your spelling

the

show examples

most important issues that

children

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have to be taken when they grow up

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apply

show examples

is choosing

major

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a major

show examples

university. Because

with

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show examples

that

decision

Add a comma

,decision

show examples

they start their work career path. So, they have

take

Fix the infinitive

to take

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the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

responsibility

Change preposition

for

show examples

their

decisions

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Moreover

Linking Words

, if they know they have to take responsibility for their

decisions

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, they might make choices wisely. In conclusion, allowing

children

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to make

decisions

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on their own on

every day

Correct your spelling

everyday

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matters like choosing what they eat,

wear

Correct word choice

and wear

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

has a negative effect on their

life

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However

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, it is good for

children

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to make some important

decisions

Use synonyms

about their

life

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. And I agree with

this

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statement it helps them to be more independent and more responsible.

shahab_e2020Sun May 28 2023

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

322 words

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Your opinion

Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers.Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions

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In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do think some people might not be happy to give using cash.