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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree?Find essays with the same topic

#people #sports #violence #arts #tv #competitions #essays #topic
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Some believe that fierce
sports
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 like mixed martial arts, fencing, and boxing promote aggression and desensitize viewers to violence, and
therefore
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 should be banned from
media
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 and international
competitions
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. I tend to disagree as I understand that these
sports
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 have cultural and historical significance, their portrayal can be seen as a form of artistic expression, and they are conducted in a controlled environment with safety protocols in place. One crucial reason for the acceptance of
such
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sports
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 in
media
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 and international
competitions
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 is their cultural and historical significance. These
sports
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 often have deep-rooted traditions and rituals that hold great importance for specific communities and societies.
For instance
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, traditional martial arts like judo and kung fu are not only competitive
sports
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 but
also
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 essential elements of cultural heritage in their respective countries. Banning
such
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sports
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 could result in the loss of valuable cultural practices that have been passed down through generations.
Furthermore
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, the representation of fierce
sports
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 in
media
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 and
competitions
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 can serve as a platform for promoting understanding and appreciation of different cultures. Consider the Olympic Games, where combat
sports
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 like boxing and taekwondo are celebrated as part of the global event. The inclusion of
such
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sports
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 allows athletes from diverse backgrounds to showcase their skills and foster mutual respect among nations. The controlled and regulated environment in which these events take place makes sure that they are not violent and harmful. Organizations governing
such
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sports
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 have implemented strict rules and safety measures to ensure the well-being of athletes.
For example
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, in professional boxing matches, referees closely monitor the bout, and medical teams are present to provide immediate assistance in case of injuries. In conclusion,
while
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 there are concerns about the potential negative effects of violent
sports
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 in
media
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 and international
competitions
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, their cultural and historical significance,
as well as
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 the controlled environment in which they take place, provide valid justifications for their acceptance
Submitted by dianaishaq on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your score in coherence and cohesion, consider creating more paragraphs to distinctly separate your ideas which will enhance the logical flow of your arguments. Additionally, employing a wider range of linking phrases could benefit the overall clarity and connection between your main points.
task achievement
Regarding task achievement, you should aim to cover all parts of the prompt in a balanced way. Make sure to explore the opposing viewpoint to the one you've presented and provide specific examples to back up your claims. A well-defined conclusion summarizing both sides of the argument would strengthen your essay.
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