IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people living in cities these days do not get enough physical exercise. What are the causes of this/ give some possible solutions.

#people #cities #exercise
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In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, the majority of individuals prefer to live in urban areas but they do not get enough
time
Use synonyms
 for doing outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
. Increasing use of technology and hectic
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
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 can be accountable for
this
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 situation. These reasons will be illustrated in the impending paragraphs
along with
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 their solutions.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, rising dependency on technology is a very common trend these days.
This
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 is because the masses spend a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 using electronic gadgets
such
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 as computers and mobile phones as compared to using their hands to do
work
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 like shopping and office
work
Use synonyms
.
In addition
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 to
this
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, people have a busy lifestyle. The reason for
this
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 is that they might do hard
work
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 to achieve their goal. As they can get easily tired after doing a lot of
work
Use synonyms
. So, they are unable to participate in physical
activities
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.
For instance
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, Canadian students spend all their
time
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 doing studies and part-
time
Use synonyms
 jobs.
Therefore
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, they might feel tired and
can not able
Verb problem
unable
show examples
 to do outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
. To solve it, there are numerous steps help to tackle
this
Linking Words
 situation. First and foremost, the government should spread awareness among the public through camps and advertisements. It can
also
Linking Words
 help to encourage youngsters to do regular exercise.
Moreover
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, authorities ought to reduce the
working load
Correct your spelling
workload
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 on the workers. As they could get more
time
Use synonyms
 to do
activities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as yoga, walking and cycling.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can escape all dangerous health-related issues like obesity, anxiety and stress. In view of the arguments
outlines
Wrong verb form
outlined
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 above, one can conclude technology and a busy lifestyle are the roots of less exercise, as
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should reduce the workload and spread awareness among local residents.
Submitted by amanjotkaur532 on

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task response
Your essay partly addresses the task question, but does not fully develop all parts of the task. Make sure to thoroughly examine both the causes and the potential solutions to the issue of lack of physical exercise in urban areas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates logical progression and coherence but would benefit from a more balanced and substantial development of the ideas. Connect your ideas more explicitly and provide more elaborate examples to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • desk-bound jobs
  • fast-paced urban life
  • conveniences
  • physical exertion
  • barrier
  • densely populated
  • pollution
  • safety concerns
  • urban planning
  • pedestrian areas
  • cycle lanes
  • accessible
  • workplace wellness programs
  • subsidize
  • financial barriers
  • public awareness
  • incorporate
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