Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

It is often said that advertising is becoming too ubiquitous and

as a result

consumers start to lose interest in it. In my opinion,

however

, I believe that it is good at drawing customers’ attention to purchase more products. On the one hand, the existence of advertisements is

giving

Verb problem

causing

show examples

boredom to the public

due to

the deficiency in creative content. To be more specific, people are bombarded with thousands of ads claiming that their products are the most innovative compared to other brands.

For example

, every international school in Vietnam emphasizes the idea that their teaching resources are well-adapted to the learning environment. Marketers should

instead

promote novel ideas to stand out from the competition rather than repeating the same lines again.

Consequently

, parents are not interested in that information, which prevents them from watching the whole ad.

On the other hand

, advertisers are very good at influencing consumers’ buying decisions. A good example of

Correct pronoun usage

this

show examples

is Amazon. Recently, people have had a tendency to know more about their health and well-being. Noticing

this

trend, Amazon unveiled the screenless health-tracking bracelet in 2020. The device could measure users’ body fat, and emotional states, and provide digital assistance if necessary. By targeting the demands of the buyers, the brand boosted its strength in the market and attracted a greater number of customers, making it one of the top-selling brands during that period. In conclusion, even though advertising is getting more tedious on account of its lack of content, I believe that it is still very effective

to boost

Change preposition

in boosting

show examples

revenue and

attract

Wrong verb form

attracting

show examples

more people.

Submitted by phamduchien711 on Wed May 31 2023

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task response

The opinion is clear, but it would be beneficial to provide a more balanced presentation of both views. Ensure that each paragraph relates directly to the essay question and that all examples contribute directly to the argument.

coherence and cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present and contribute to the overall structure. However, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas are logically connected throughout the essay.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

persuade
promote
attract
influence
impact
consumerism
commercialism
market
product
brand
endorsement
manipulative
saturated
overwhelmed
repetitive
distracting
irrelevant
exaggerated
misleading
desensitized

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Some people think that the use of mobiles (cell) phones should be banned in public places such as in libraries, shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many cities have installed cameras in public places in order to reduce crime. However, some people think that those cameras restrict our privacy. Do you think the advantages of this system outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that old buildings should be replaced with more modern ones. Other people argue that we should protect old buildings because they have special value. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?