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Band 5

The world is in a state of war. Is re-defining peace a necessity?

The impact of
war
Use synonyms
 and
peace
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 has been a topic of heated debate for a long time now.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that
while
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 it becomes important to fight the evil forces that torment society, it cannot be ignored that the most important agenda in our minds must always remain
Use synonyms
peace
Replace the word
peaceful
show examples
. Count Leo Tolstoy once wrote: “We make
war
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 to live in
peace
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.” In my opinion, we must ensure we avoid
war
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 as long as it is possible. On the one hand, there are several reasons the
world
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 has engaged in
war
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. To elucidate, the two
world
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 wars did not involve only those countries that wanted to fight;
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 involved those nations as well that fought to suppress violence and manslaughter.
Additionally
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,
war
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 becomes necessary once in a
while
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 because
without
Add the comma(s)
,without
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 it, there could be oppression and autocracy or dictatorship, which leads to
inhuman
Correct article usage
the inhuman
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 treatment of citizens. To illustrate, there are several African and Asian countries where
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
war
Use synonyms
 is important, sometimes against the military,
while
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 at other times against the autocracy.
On the other hand
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, no human or nation has the right to engage in violence and disrupt
world
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peace
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. To elaborate, great leaders like Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela and Martin Luther King have proved that there are non-violent ways of ensuring
world
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peace
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.
Furthermore
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, there are other examples of Buddha, Christ and other leaders who have shown how
peace
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 and brotherhood can be maintained through the path of forgiveness
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and not revenge. In a nutshell, it is clearly evident that
peace
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 is the way
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the future. In conclusion, it can be sufficiently inferred that peaceful methods will continue to win over violent ones, and it is crucial to look differently
as
Change preposition
at
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 methods of restoring
peace
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 in the
world
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.

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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