IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Many high school students take part time jobs. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#school #students #part #time #jobs
There are a
lot
 of high school students
work
part -time
Correct your spelling
part-time
show examples
 during the summer holiday. Some people believe that youngsters will earn lots of skills needed for adulthood; meanwhile, others believe there are downsides
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 trend.
This
 essay will discuss both points of view
Firstly
, we can improve
the
Change the word
our
show examples
 soft skills in society, forming relationships and communication in
life
 that will be important
life
 lessons for us later. We immediately see that the billionaires
to be
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 able to earn a
lot
 of money, they had previously done the
work
 of the limbs to accumulate
life
 experience.
First,
we can improve
the
Change the word
our
show examples
 soft skills in society, forming relationships and communication in
life
 that will be important
life
 lessons for us later. We immediately see that the billionaires to be able to earn a
lot
 of money,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
had previously done the
work
 of the limbs to accumulate
life
 experience
On the other hand
, working makes us a
lot
 of time and really tired, we cannot spend time with family and friends. It can’t enjoy a happy summer. We
also
 have the ability to be seduced by bad people or become damaged by excessive contact with society So what students go to
work
 will always have bad faces
such
 as seductive, time and health or
good
Correct article usage
the good
show examples
 side is to earn money and learn more than books.
Submitted by huyentrang712 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: